High Holidays
The 5-Step Holiday Program toward Meaningful Relationships
Courtship, Proposal, Engagement, Marriage, Honeymoon and Aftermath...
Dedicated by David and Eda Schottenstein
in the loving memory of Rabbi Gavriel Noach and Rivki Holtzberg and all of the Mumbai Kedoshim
And in loving memory of a young soul Alta Shula Swerdlov
daughter of Rabbi Yossi and Hindel Swerdlov
Painting by Zalman Kleinman
Why Are We Here?
If G-d is "perfect", as Judaism teaches, what prompted Him to create us? What void was He seeking to fill?
One answer provided in Jewish Mysticism is that G-d desired marriage. The most accomplished and self-sufficient bachelor—and G-d is the "perfect single," lacking nothing—cannot get married to him. Marriage necessitates the existence of someone distinct from yourself with whom to share your life, a union of husband and wife. G-d chose the Jewish people as His bride.[1] In this relationship, the bride would reveal the connection between all humanity and G-d.
What a marriage this has been—a roller coaster of romance, affection, quarrel and estrangement. In every generation, many counselors advocated a divorce, while others proclaimed the Groom dead. Yet, the relationship has endured, because both partners know deep down, that they ultimately belong together. When all layers are removed, man yearns for union with G-d and G-d craves for a relationship with man.
According to the Talmud and the Kabbalah,[2] the high-holiday season is the annual re-experience of the marriage between G-d and Israel. The five primary moments of this season parallel the basic phases of a conventional courtship and union.[3] The holidays invite us to journey through this process again and rejuvenate the relationship.
The Courtship
The Hebrew month of Elul precedes the high-holidays. This month is described in Chassidic teachings as a time when "the King goes out to the field to meet with His people, greeting them with kindness and tenderness, displaying a joyous face to all."[4]
In our present day slang we would call this a date.
Just as the conventional dating process allows the two people involved to become aquatinted with each other in a real way, so too the month of Elul provides us with an opportunity to get to know G-d in a genuine and profound way.
The Groom Proposes
G-d is not a fan of drawn out dating, neither is He fearful of commitment. Four weeks later, on the eve of Rosh Hashanah, He makes His proposal. "I'm crazy over you. Will you marry me? is the question communicated to the heart of each of us as the sun sets over the horizon of the year gone by.
This is not an easy decision to make. To be married to G-d is a formidable task. It means to live with continuous self-challenge, discipline and endless mystery. And yet, a whispering voice within persists that if we will avoid this relationship we will deny ourselves the fulfillment and happiness we are capable of achieving in our lives. We were designed to be G-dly human beings.
"Let me sleep on it," we tell G-d.
What a night this is! The world goes haywire, says Master Kabbalist Rabbi Isaac Luriah.[5] "During the night of Rosh Hashanah," he writes, "the consciousness animating the universe becomes very weak."[6] The great Jewish mystics would, in fact, feel physically weak during the night of Rosh Hashanah.[7]
All of existence was brought into being for the sake of this marriage. If we refuse Him, the entire creation was in vain. The entire cosmos—every galaxy, every blade of grass, every grazing animal, every speck of dust—awaits our decision with trepidation.
The Bride Commits
On the morning of Rosh Hashanah, a piercing sound rises from the earth: The cry of the Shofar. It is a simple, unsophisticated cry, expressing a person’s quintessential yearning to connect with the Divine.
We have decided. Our answer is, yes.[8]
The Wedding
The wedding day arrives: Yom Kippur.[9] A day described in the Kabbalah[10] as "the time of oneness" in which cosmic bride and groom forge a bond for eternity.
In the Jewish tradition, bride and groom fast on their wedding day.[11] On the day we unite with G-d, we abstain from food or drink as well.[12] The Talmud teaches[13]that upon marriage, all the sins of the groom and bride are forgiven.[14] That's why this day is called Yom Kippur, "the day of atonement (12)."
The marriage ceremony begins with the stirring melody of "Kol Nidrey," in which we remove the power from vows and addictions that tie us down. During these profound moments we attempt to free ourselves from compulsive behavior and negative habits, and let go of resentment, animosity, anger, fear and envy that hold us hostage to dysfunction and negativity.[15]
The traditional Jewish marriage ceremony culminates with the bride and groom entering a secluded room ("Cheder Yichud" in Hebrew) to spend time alone with each other. Yom Kippur too culminates with the Neilah, or closure prayer, so called because as the sun of Yom Kippur sets, the gates of heaven close—with us inside.
During Neilah, every soul is alone with G-d.[16]
The Celebration
When the bride and groom exit their private room, the party begins. From Yom Kippur we leap into the seven-day festival of Sukkot, described in the Torah[17] as "the time of our Joy."
These days are filled with feasting and ecstatic happiness. Every Jewish family builds a tent, a Sukkah, outdoors, where they celebrate for seven days the marriage between G-d and His people.[18]
Intimacy
The wedding feast is over. The guests and relatives have returned home. In a consummation of the relationship, bride and groom experience intimacy for the first time, their lives melded together as a husband and wife.
So too, following the seven days of Sukkot, we reach the zenith of the High Holiday season: Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah, described in the Kabbalah[19] as the "time of intimacy with the Divine." During these two charged days the joy reaches its peak, as G-d and His people merge into a seamless whole. A Divine seed is planted in each of our hearts.
That's why we recite special prayers for rain on the festival of Shmini Atzeret. What is rain? In the midst of intimacy between heaven and earth, procreative drops from heaven are absorbed, fertilized and nurtured by mother-earth, which in time will give birth to its botanical children.[20]
The Ordinary Month
The honeymoon comes to an end and the excitement begins to fade. Now the marriage becomes about caring for each other and demonstrating trust and loyalty, as husband and wife work through the daily grind of life.
Out of the twelve months in the Jewish calendar, the only one lacking a single festive day is the one that immediately follows the High Holiday season. Why? Because this is the time to build a genuine relationship with our marriage Partner in our everyday lives.[21]
This is the time to discover the joy born out of a continuous relationship with G-d, during the mundane days and nights that define the bulk of our life on planet earth.
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[1] See King Solomon's Song of Songs. Rambam Hilchos Teshuvah chapter 10. Tanya Shaar Hayechud V'haEmunah chapter 7. This theme pervades a large part of the Kabbalistic and Chassidic literature. In the Jewish mystical terminology it is described as the creation being motivated by "Sefiras Hamalchus," i.e. G-d desire for a relationship with somebody outside and independent of Him (Cf. Tanya ibid; Likkutei Torah Tzav Maamar Hayam Raah and countless more discourses of Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi and other Chassidic Masters.)
[3] The following ideas are based on various sources in the Kabbalistic and Chassidic litertaure. All of my sources are noted in the following footnotes.
[6] See Pre Eitz Chaim Shaar Rosh Hashnah. Cf. Sefer Hasichos 5752 Parshas Vaeira and references noted there.
[8]See Talmud Rosh Hashanah p. 16a and p. 34b. Cf. Pre Aitz Chaim Shaar Rosh Hashanah how the blowing of the Shofar accomplishes "Binyan Hamalchus," the dynamic relationship between man and G-d.
[9] This is how the Mishnah (referenced in footnote #2) defines the day of Yom Kippur, "yom chasunaso."
[11] Rama Even Haezer section 61., 63, 65. The first source for this custom, apparently, is Terumas Hadeshen section 109.
[14] See Beis Shmuel to Even Haezer 61 section 109, quoting MahaRam Mintz section 109, that one of the reasons for fasting on the day of the weeding is because of it being a day of atonement.
[17] This is the description of the holiday in all of the Amidah services of Sukkos, based on Deuteronomy 16:13;15.
[19] Pre Eitz Hachaim Shaar Halulav chapter 8; Mishnas Chassidim Mesechte Sukkah chapter 12 mishnah 8. Tanya Igeres HaKodesh section 20, p. 130b.
[20] Sources in previous footnote. The spiritual birth as a result of this "intimacy" occurs, according to the above sources, on the seventh day of Pesach. This is the mystical significance behind the splitting of the sea on that day, representing the "opening" of the cosmic "mother-womb" to give birth to the souls. Cf. above sources and Likkutei Torah Tzav Maamar Hayam Raah.
Thanks to Shmuel Levin, a writer and editor in Pittsburgh, for his editorial assistance.
enjoyed, learned.
My Beloved
As I daven on Shabbat, I could not say "Edidi Nefesh" with all my heart. HaShem to me was Malkeinu, could not call Him such a intimate term as "My Beloved". But thanks to this article, I have started to feeling HaShem closer, as My Beloved.
Brilliant
What a romance!
Only simchas and continued success!
Beautiful
above article