The Birds and the Bees -- Part 2
Advice for Teens on Sexual Boundaries
- April 25, 2015
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- 6 Iyyar 5775
Rabbi YY Jacobson
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Rabbi YY Jacobson
- April 25, 2015
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- 6 Iyyar 5775
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- 2686 views
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mark -8 years ago
There is a very developed and organized group of frum jews who meet a few times every week and support each other to acquire sexual sobriety by refraining from masturbation etc, which is their addiction. Rabbi should make reference to this frum self help group which is very successful. Perhaps Rabbi YY can bring the expert on addiction for one show to become a reference to direct those suffering with this compulsion to this group. It is a real tool as personal resolution in isolation is mostly unsuccessful
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h. -8 years ago
Dear Rabbi,
I just wanted to thank you for having the courage and the right words to discuss this important subject.
May that help our youngster going through their teenage age with the help and the advice they need.
Again, thank you
Shkoach!
I'm listening to you all the way from Paris, you're a real source of inspiration
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Shmuel chein -8 years ago
Rav Kook mentions something powerful and compelling along the lines which the Rabbi predicates the entire nucleus of the idea which is how seed has universal potency to procreate perpetually ad infinitum.
Here are his words in the original Hebrew
:(אורות הקודש ג', עמ' רצח'): "יצרא דעריות יוכל ללפף את האדם יותר עמוק מהשורש של קישור החיים שלו עצמו, מפני שהוא נעוץ בנטיית המשך החיים של הדורות כולם. ולעומת זה בקדושה, יכולים לעלות על ידי קדושת הברית למדרגת דוגמא של צדיק בכל הדורות".
The Plague Will Not Enter Your Tent
You can profoundly rectify your mis‑spent sexuality by sanctifying your will and illuminating it clearly, until the light of holiness will stream through even your strongest physical drive. That drive is rooted in holiness that is incredibly strong, because it contains the expression of life: the sexual drive. The light of holiness will stream within it to such a degree that its holy aspect will rule your life and direct its action and expression. Then sexuality’s secular aspect, and certainly its unclean aspect, will be totally nullified before its holy aspect. Then, in truth, the plague will not enter your tent; you shall be righteous and guarded from stumbling.
Orot Hakodesh III, p. 298
Holiness in Action and Holiness in Thought
Holiness in action and holiness in thought anchor the holiness of nature and will in its very foundation. The sexual act is sanctified in the strength of a pure and holy nature. This was the human experience before the sin. This all-encompassing holiness and, even higher than that, the longing for this holiness refine your entire connection to your soul. Familial relations are bound with the threads of the holy of holies, so strong and powerful, bringing a flow of long life to your descendants.
From this saintly basis flow life and refinement, power and strength, the greatness of life. All of your life is filled with strength: for those who are with you, for the generation, for the entire world.
Strength adds to strength, life draws forth life. Honor and beauty cause beauty and the glory of holiness to shine upon all.
Orot Hakodesh III, p. 299
The Sexual Drive Streams Into the Future
The sexual drive streams into the future, to the perfection of life that time will bring: the life of the world-to-come within this world. That future life is filled with complete beauty and pleasure; thus, great is the yearning and the strength of desire of the sexual drive, which is all-encompassing; only upon this drive does ultimate holiness rest its light.
The pure soul leads the sexual drive to its goal within the boundary of Torah, wisdom, rectitude and modesty: the sources of righteousness. “Whoever guards the covenant is called righteous.”
The basis of the holiness of Israel is tied to the world of the future. A holy spirit continuously embraces the entirety of the nation and its individuals. “Your people are all righteous.”
Orot Hakodesh III, p. 296
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Shmuel chein -8 years ago
The Talmud in Brachot 24 states:
Rav Sheshes taught that [when listing the spoils taken from Midyan] the Torah lists outer ornaments with inner ornaments (that cover the Ervah(private parts), to teach that gazing even at a woman's bare finger is like gazing at her Ervah!
Rav Kook taught in his collected thoughts on Talmud Brachot Ein Ayah 1:47
.'אל יאמר האדם שהוא נושא עין רק על הנשגב שיש בהדר הטבע של אשת חן.כי רגשות לב האדם אין בהם חיץ וגבול, ומרגש התפלאות על הדרת הטבע,יחדור בקרבו רגש תאוה בזויה.ע"כ ערכם ג"כ שוה,שזה מביא לזה
One must never say that he is only raising his eyes to the natural beauty of a charming woman, for the emotions of the heart have no buffer and boundaries. From the overwhelming emotions over the natural beauty ones heart becomes injected with inferior cravings; that's why their evaluation is equal, because one leads to the next.
In another thought of Rav Kook on the same source in the Talmud, it states:
R. Yitzchak: An exposed [square] Tefach of part of a woman's body (that should be covered) is Ervah.
Question: Concerning what is it considered Ervah?
1. Suggestion: One may not look at it.
2. Rejection: Rav Sheshes taught that [when listing the spoils taken from Midyan] the Torah lists outer ornaments with inner ornaments (that cover the Ervah), to teach that gazing even at a woman's bare finger is like gazing at her Ervah!
Answer :Rather, it refers to one's wife. One may not say Keri'as Shema facing her if a Tefach is exposed.
(Rav Chisda): A (Rashi - married) woman's thigh is considered Ervah --
(e) (Shmuel): A woman's [singing] voice is Ervah (Shulchan Aruch - for a man not used to it) -- "Ki Kolech Arev" (it arouses desire).
(f) (Rav Sheshes): A woman's hair is considered Ervah -- "Sa'arech k'Eder ha'Izim."
Rav Kook explains
Ein ayah on Brachot 1:49
שוק באשה ערוה,קול באשה ערוה,שער באשה ערוה.טהות הרעיונות צריכה להשמר מכל דבר הגורם הסתערות החושים לעורר רוח בלתי נכון.ובכללם המה שלש סיבות מ עוררות,שראוי לכל לב טהור להתרחק מהם,למען ישמר תומתו וטהרתו מיחש בלתי מורגל בין המינים.מהרגשה שיש בה ערבות חושי אפילו באופן רוחני והדר טבעי חיצוני,כי ) המשכלה(י קרובה ללבו של אדם האנושה,מהשקפה על עניין מיוחד שבו יצטיין הבדל המינים אפי'מצד ההנהגה הנימוסית,ביחש הגוף.ונגד אלה ג'הכללים, שתחתיהם פרטים רבים נמצאים,שעמהם משמרת טהרה לשומר דרכיו ביראת אלקים.שוק,נגד חסרון היפך המורגל.קול,נגד ערב ות חושי,כדבריהם ז"למפני מה קולה של אשה ערב משל איש,אף שלא נוסד על יסוד הרגשה גסה מ"מ מביאה מכשול.שער,נגד תכונת הבדל נימוסי כדבריהם ז"למגדלת שער כלילית,מכל אלה אשרי שומר נפשו נוצר דרכו
A woman's thigh, her hair,her voice, are intimate and should remain covered. And obstruct ones obligation for the recitation of Shema and other prayers.
Rav Kook provides an interesting explanation. The gemara in Berakhot counts three distractions which prevent a man from saying Shema with the required purity of thought: a woman’s leg, her singing voice, and her exposed hair (Berakhot 24a). Rav Kook explains that these three examples represent three different aspects of feminine attraction to men: One aspect is the inherent, defining difference between the sexes. The second is a merely perceptual difference. A woman naturally has a higher and softer voice than a man, but this is not inherently related to her femininity; rather, a man perceives the difference in a woman’s voice and for this reason finds it attractive.
The third kind of difference is one that is purely conventional. Unlike a woman’s physique or her voice, women’s hair is physically completely identical to that of men. However, since hair is uniquely amenable to being styled and adorned, women have traditionally personalized it to augment their beauty. It is for this cultural reason that women, but not men, are required to cover their hair when it constitutes an inappropriate attraction, as in the case of a married woman.
Rav Kook is explaining that on all three frontiers a pure heart must guard his senses not to fall prey to anything which can trigger a chaotic and tumultuous threat to his idealistic vision of sensitivity for purity and righteousness in gender boundaries.
Fortunate is the one who guards his soul and his path.
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Shmuel chein -8 years ago
To all who wish to gain a very extensively dynamic and foundational treatment of this entire topic from one of the earliest sources of Kabbalah, please see Beer Hagolah Beer # 2 letter 9 of the Maharal of Prague, can be download here
http://hebrewbooks.org/14197 pages 17-35 of this pdf document.
He discusses the deeply embedded energy in mans seed, how unique it is when shared with his wife, the relationships of non jews when they engage in intimacy, vis a vis, Jews, how this sin G-d forbid influences the entire creation, how the nature of squandering this energy is different by its very nature than any other sin in the entire Torah.
May we merit the Redemption!
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