When Love Is Not About The Lover: Sometimes you must separate in order to truly become one. A tale of two Rachels

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yaakov

vayeitzei

shliach

rachel

rabbi akiva

love

yaakov and rachel

Sometimes you must separate in order to truly become one. A tale of two Rachels

Vayetzei Women's Class

When Love Is Not About The Lover

This weekly women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday, Parshas Vayetzei, 5 Kislev, 5782, November 9, 2021, at Bais Medrash Ohr Chaim in Monsey, NY.

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subconscious

unconscious

hate

leah and rachel

super-conscious

yaakov avinu

Jacob's Animosity to Leah: Four Perspectives

Sometimes, We Hate that Which We Need Most

The opening of the thirtieth chapter of Genesis relates a small but disturbing scene. The infertile Rachel tells her husband: &quot;Give me children, and if not, I am dead.&quot; And Jacob became angry with Rachel, and he said, &quot;Am I instead of God, Who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?&quot;

Jacob&rsquo;s response seems painfully insensitive and uncharacteristic of their affectionate bond. He is in love with Rachel. Any experienced and loving husband knows that even in a good day when your wife conveys an emotion about something eating up on her, the last think you do is get angry at her! What she wants from you is an attentive ear and a receptive heart. That itself makes her feel better. Certainly if she is expressing her pain over a real and deep wound. Jacob&rsquo;s response is baffling and disturbing.

Today we will present four approaches&mdash;one from the Midrash, the second from a medieval Jewish philosopher, the third from the Munkatcher Rebbe, and the fourth from the Ramban and the world of Chassidus.

The Midrash opens up its commentary on the portion of Vayeitzei by attributing Psalm 121 to Jacob on his journey to Haran. Psalms 121 begins with a description of a distraught narrator, who wonders &ldquo;from where will my salvation come?&rdquo; Jacob despaired. The Midrash says: Jacob said to himself: &ldquo;What?! I will give up hope from my Creator? I will never give up hope! My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!&rdquo;

But what does this mean? Did Jacob really give up hope? Just because he was destitute and penniless, he fell into such despair? This is the man who would carry on the covenant of Abraham and Isaac&mdash;did he really forget about G-d? Also, his words seem repetitious: &ldquo;What? I will give up hope from my Creator? I will never give up hope!&rdquo; He should have just said: &ldquo;I will never give up hope!&rdquo; Why the question and the answer?

It was the great Chassidic master, the Chidushei Harim (Rabbi Yitzchak Meir Alter, the first Gerer Rebbe, (1799 - 1866)), who gave a stunning explanation. I would venture to add that knowing the life story of this man makes the explanation far more poignant.

This women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday, Parshas Vayetzei, 5 Kislev, 5780, December 3, 2019 at the Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, NY

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despair

infertility

yitzchak mordechai altar

sholom mordechai rubashkin

first gerer rebbe

hopelessness

chidushei harim

How the Cracks In Your Life Can Become the Gate of Heaven

Women's Vayetzei Class

Why Did Yaakov Get Angry at his Beloved Wife Rachel? 4 Perspectives

This Women&#39;s class was presented by Rabbi YY Jacobson on Tuesday Parshas Vayeitzei, 5&nbsp;Kislev, 5779, November 13, 2018, at Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, NY

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pesucha

setumah

shir hamaalos

Why Not a Single Spaces in Vayeitzei?

Vayeitzei Women's Class

How Can Yaakov Sing During 20 Challenging Years?

This women&#39;s class&nbsp;was presented on Tuesday&nbsp;Parshas Vayetzei, 8&nbsp;Kislev, 5781, November 24, 2020, live from Rabbi Jacobson&#39;s home in Monsey, NY

It is based on an address (a Sicha) delivered by the Lubavitcher Rebbe on Shabbos Parshas Vayeitzei, 10 Kislev, 5766, December 6, 1965, published in Likkutei Sichos vol. 5 Vayeitzei, and it explores the question of how can Yaakov marry two sisters. The class relates the story of the Chafetz Chaim&#39;s Sholom Aleichem; Reb Yaakov Kaminetzky not eating gebrakts; when they cooked rice in Chabad for Pesach, and when the Rebbe Rayatz said, &quot;better a red matzah than a red face.&quot;

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rice on pesach

keeping promises

yaakov marrying two sisters

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rachel leah

gebrakts

How Could Yaakov Marry Two Sisters? When They Cooked Rice on Pesach in Chabad

When G-d Does Not Want You to Be Frum

The Blank Spaces

This essay will not dissect a portion of the Torah, nor a chapter, verse, sentence, or word. We will not even focus on a letter or a syllable in the Torah. We will explore a glaring omission in this week’s portion.

Any person who has been called up to the Torah, or those who had an opportunity to gaze at a Sefer Torah (Torah scroll) will note that it does not contain the familiar kind of punctuation used in books. There are no periods, exclamation points, or question marks; no commas, colons, semi-colons, or hyphens.

But there are two forms of punctuation in the Torah to indicate (at least in many instances<a onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref1')" id="_edn1" href="javascript: void(0);" name="_ftnref1">[1]</a>) the beginning of a new topic—and they are blank spaces between words, marking the end of one “Parsha,” or theme, and the beginning of a new one.

[There are two types of spaces in a Torah scroll, one is called “setuma,” which means closed; the other is called “pesucha,” which means open. When a topic in Torah comes to an end, and a new topic is about to begin, the words stop before the end of a line, the remainder of the line is left open. Then the new topic begins only on the next line. This is called a “pesucha,” or an open-ended line. However, when a new, yet related, topic begins, the line is not left open at the end, but a space the length of nine letters is left empty between the words, and the next topic begins on the same line. This is called a “setuma,” or a closed-ended line. They are indicated in every printed Chumash with a Hebrew letter “pei” (פ for pesucha) or the Hebrew letter “samach” (ס for setuma).]

Here is an image of a few pages in the Torah scroll containing both types of spaces, a “pesucha,” then a “setuma.”

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Two Exceptions

All portions of Torah are filled with numerous such blank spaces. Take a look at any portion in your printed Chumash and you will see at every new topic a letter “pei” (פ) or a letter “samach” (ס).

There are two exceptions—this week’s portion, Vayeitzei, and the portion of Miketz. Vayeitzei contains 148 verses; Miketz—146 verses, and they both lack these breaks. The entire portion is written as a run-on sentence, with no “space” to breathe.

This is strange. Vayeitzei is one of the longer portions in the Torah and it covers twenty full years in the life of Jacob, years filled with diverse encounters, experiences, and tribulations. Why is there not a single space in the entire portion?

Leaving Home

It was Rabbi Yehudah Aryeh Leib Altar, the second Rebbe of the Ger dynasty, known as the Sefas Emes, who offered a marvelous explanation.<a onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref2')" id="_edn2" href="javascript: void(0);" name="_ftnref2">[2]</a>

The portion begins with these words: “And Jacob left Be'er Sheba (where his parents lived in the south of the Holy Land) and traveled to Charan.” Harran was a city in ancient Mesopotamia, located today in Southern Turkey, on the border of Syria and Iraq.&nbsp;Jacob leaves the cocoon of his parents, an&nbsp;environment infused with the Abrahamic vision of life, and travels to Harran, where he would live with a deceitful father-in-law, Laban, and would endure many a trial. The portion ends, two decades later, with Jacob leaving Laban and returning to the Holy Land: “And Jacob went on his way and Divine angels encountered him.”

What allowed Jacob to maintain his moral and spiritual equilibrium throughout his two decades in exile? Why did the first Jewish refugee not assimilate and forfeit his spiritual identity?

The answer is hinted in the Torah by the omission of any space throughout his journey from the Holy Land and back there. From “And Jacob left Be'er Sheba,” in the opening of Vayeitzei, through “Jacob went on his way and Divine angels encountered him,” at the end of Vayeitzei, there was no chasm. Geographically, Jacob left Be'er Sheba in the Holy Land, he departed from Isaac and Rebecca and their Divine-centered world; but in his mindset, there was no gulf between the two. He knew he is on a journey, he was sent on a mission, and he will return.

Jacob never lost touch with where he came from, and thus never got lost in the vicissitudes of his exile life. "He&nbsp;who has a why to live for can bear almost any how," Friedrich Nietzsche said. When you know who you are and the task that lay before you, the changing circumstances do not override your inner anchor. There is a uniform serenity that pervades your life.

The Secret of Longevity

This portion captures the long drama of Jewish exile. Jacob is the first Jew to leave his parents’ cocoon and recreate Jewish life on foreign soil; his descendants would be forced to do so numerous times throughout their history.

What is the secret of the descendants of Jacob to be able to endure millennia of exile and yet remain firmly etched in their identity as Jews?

The Mission

The late astrophysicist, Professor Velvl Greene, who worked many years for NASA, once related the following story.

Many years ago, Dr. Greene shared, a noted scientist delivered a lecture at a Space Science Conference on the broader aspects of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration Program in the USA. Among other things, the lecturer drew a parallel between the problems which will face space explorers in the future and our current conditions on earth.

Using a hypothetical manned voyage to the nearest star, Alpha Centauri, as an example, he emphasized the remarkable engineering, biological and sociological problems that would be encountered during the execution of this enterprise. Since the star is 4.3 light-years away, a spaceship traveling at 1,000 miles per second would require more than 800 years to get there and another 800 years to get back. Any original crew we launched would not survive for even a fraction of the mission's duration. Instead, we would have to "man" the capsule with men and women who would have children who would carry on the mission. These children would themselves have children, continuing this for 1,600 years. Ultimately, after many generations, the remote progeny of the original crew would complete the mission.

This interstellar spaceship would have to be completely self-sustaining and self-supporting. But the lecturer pointed out that the engineering and technical problems are only one side of the coin. In the spaceship, the crew would have to learn to tolerate each other, generation after generation. They would have to learn, and learn quickly, that you don’t blow up only part of a spaceship.

And then the speaker touched on a key topic: Would the fiftieth generation, after a thousand years, still share the aspirations of their pilgrim fathers who set out from earth so long ago? How, indeed, can you convey to a generation still unborn the basic information about where they came from, where they are going, why they are going there, how to get there, and how to get back?

One of the scientists stood up, and to my surprise and delight, declared: “If we could figure out how the Jewish people managed to survive these thousands of years, we’d have our answer!”

The scientist was on target. To a Jew, this story is no mere fantastic flight of imagination; it captures our millennia-long narrative. Almost four millennia ago, Abraham heard a call to become a blessing for all mankind. Over three thousand years ago, at Mount Sinai, we were launched with specific instructions and suitable maps. And we were told that we ought to transmit this mission to our children and grandchildren, for generations to come. The task was to bring healing and redemption to the world.&nbsp;

We were charged with the mission to reveal that the universe has a soul, that humanity has a soul, that each of us has a soul. That we are living in G-d’s world, and our mission is to transcend our superficial shells and reveal the infinite oneness that unites us all.&nbsp;

For more than a hundred generations we knew where we came from, where we were going, why we were traveling, who was the Project Officer, and how to get back. We had no real difficulty in transmitting this intelligence unbroken from generation to generation—even to generations who were not physically present during “take-off” at Sinai. How? Because the Torah, our Divine logbook, contained macro and micro guidance. Notwithstanding all challenges, this logbook has met the only real criterion of the empirical scientists—it worked. Our presence demonstrated&nbsp;that it worked.

As long as we did not allow an interruption in the transmitting of the Torah from generation to generation, the mission and the people remained intact.

The Challenge

But somehow, not too long ago, a “space” emerged in the middle of this long and incredible journey. A generation of "astronauts" arose who decided that they could write a better logbook. They thought the original was old-fashioned, restraining, complicated, and irrelevant to the problems of modern times. They lost their "fix" on the celestial reference points.

Many of them know something is wrong, but they could not pinpoint the malfunction and get back on course. Our mission today is to teach by example how there is indeed no gorge and no gulf between Sinai and modernity. It is one continuous uninterrupted chain, and—unlike with Darwinism—there is no missing link. The glorious narrative of our people is that we never allowed for an inter-generational gap. The same Shabbos our grandmothers celebrated 3000 years ago, we still celebrate. The same tefillin my great grandfathers donned in Georgia 300 years ago, I still wrap today in New York. The same texts Jewish children in Florence and Barcelona were studying 700 years ago, my children study today.

Abraham began the story, Moses consolidated it, and we will complete it.

To watch a full class by Rabbi YY on this theme, please <a href="https://www.theyeshiva.net/jewish/6058">click here</a>.

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<a onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn1')" id="_ednref1" href="javascript: void(0);" name="_ftn1">[1]</a> Sometimes it is unclear to us the purpose of the break at&nbsp;a particular location of the text.

<a onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn2')" id="_ednref2" href="javascript: void(0);" name="_ftn2">[2]</a> Sefas Emes Vayeitzei 5650 (1899). In his own words:

שפת אמת ויצא תר"נ: בסדר ויצא לא נמצא שום פרשה פתוחה וסתומה. וכ"ה בספרי מסורות כי לא יש סדר כזה בתורה זולת ויצא. ונראה דהרמז שלא פסק אבינו יעקב ולא הוסח דעתו מיציאתו לחו"ל עד שחזר ויפגעו בו מלאכי כו'. וז"ש וישבת עמו ימים אחדים שהיו כל הימים באחדות ודביקות בשרשו. [ויתכן ג"כ כי זה פי' הפסוק ויהיו בעיניו כימים אחדים באהבתו אותה כי ע"י אהבה זו הי' דבוק באחדות. וידוע כי אהבתו ברחל הוא סוד השכינה.] וזה הי' עיקר הנדר והבקשה אם יהי' אלקים עמדי בו' שלא יתפרד מן הדביקות ע"י לבן הרשע ותחבולותיו כנ"ל.

There are only two portions in the Torah which lack any space to breathe. Vayeitzei and Miketz. Unlike all other portions, in the Torah scroll, these two portions lack any blank spaces to indicate a break.

This is strange. Our portion is long&mdash;it contains 148 verses and covers twenty full years in the life of Jacob, years consisting of diverse encounters, experiences, and tribulations. Why is there not a single space in the entire portion?

It was the Rabbi Yehudah Aryeh Leib Altar, the second Rebbe of the Ger dynasty, who offered a marvelous explanation, capturing the story of our people over 4000 years.

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charan

space mission

jewish mission

The Omission of a Blank Space in the Torah Captures the Story of a People

Essay Vayeitzei

No Missing Links

This text-based class on Sefas Emes Vayigash was&nbsp;presented on Thursday, Parshas Vayigash, 5 Teves, 5782, December 9, 2021, live from Rabbi Jacobson&#39;s home in Monsey, NY.

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What's this Story About 12 Rocks Uniting?

Chassidus: Sfas Emes Vayigash #1

What Does Real Jewish Unity Look Like?

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YY Moment

The Bond Between Two Sisters

This text-based class on Likkutei Sichos vol. 10 Parshas Vayeitzei was&nbsp;presented on Tuesday&nbsp;Parshas Vayetzei, 8&nbsp;Kislev, 5781, November&nbsp;24, 2020, live from Rabbi Jacobson&#39;s home in Monsey, NY&nbsp;

The class explores a perplexing Midrash on why Yaakov refused to make a peace treaty with Avimelech, like his father and grandfather have done before him. It leads us to examine some of the key differences between Yaakov and Yitzchak and Avraham in terms of how they related to the toxicity around them.

It also explains why only Yaakov saw all of his children continuing in his footsteps.

The class tells the story of Israeli politician and social activist Geulah Cohen&#39;s visit to the Rebbe. How&nbsp;she described sitting for two hours in the presence of a true believer.

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avos

yaakov's children

"I Will Not Let You Go Until You Bless Me:" Yaakov's Motto was to Transform Darkness into Light

Likkutei Sichos Vayetzei

Why Was Yaakov Successful with All of His Children, Unlike Avraham & Yitzchak?

This text-based class on Sefas Emes Parshas Vayeitzei, was&nbsp;presented on Thursday, Parshas Vayetzei, 10&nbsp;Kislev, 5781, November&nbsp;26, 2020, live from Rabbi YY Jacobson&#39;s home in Monsey, NY&nbsp;

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yaakov eisav

yaakov stones

well

3 Ideas of Sefas Emes: 1. Why Yaakov Needed Exile. 2. How Yaakov Removed the Rock. 3. How a Tzaddik Impacts His Environment

Chassidus: Sfas Emes Vayetzei

How Can the Midrash Accuse Yaakov of Killing His Brother?

These are challenging times for our people, and for all good people. For Jews, one of most powerful resources for millennia has been thanksgiving and gratitude. In our transition, we express gratitude hundreds of times a day, at every step of the road. Before I eat an apple, after I come out of the bathroom, when I open my eyes in the morning, and when I am about to retire. How do we cultivate this life-changing gift during times of visceral pain and distress?

What’s the Shame?

It is a perplexing response in this week’s Torah portion, Vayeitzei. Rachel, who has been childless for many years, gives birth. In the words of the Torah:

“And she conceived and bore a son, and she said, "God has taken away my shame." &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 

What type of shame was she referring to? What shame is there in infertility, which is not her fault? Sarah and Rebecca were also barren, but we never hear that they were ashamed. In the world of Torah, there is no room for shame for a condition you never caused. Pain, anguish, or jealousy are sentiments we can appreciate, but why shame?

Rashi presents the astounding and disturbing answer in the Midrash:

The Aggadah (Midrash Rabbah 73:5) explains it: As long as a woman has no child, she has no one to blame for her faults. As soon as she has a child, she blames him. “Who broke this dish? Your child!” “Who ate these figs? Your child!”

Rachel was previously ashamed because she had nobody to blame for any errors, oversights, or flaws. The food was burnt? Rachel must be a lousy cook. The keys to the car are lost? Rachel is irresponsible. Rachel is in a bad mood? She is impulsive and irrational. A plate breaks? She is a shlimazal. The couch is dirty? She is a lazy couch potato. The home is unkempt? Rachel just can’t get it together.

Ah, but now, with the birth of Joseph, the shame is gone. The food burnt because the baby ran a fever, and she had to rush him to the doctor. The keys to the car lost? The baby got a hold of them and cast them in the dustbin. The plate broke? The baby dropped it. The couch is dirty? The baby decided to have his ice cream on the couch. The house is a mess? Of course, the baby is at fault.

So, if I am understanding this correctly, that is why Rachel who was childless for 7 years wanted a baby—not for the incredible experience of creating a life, not for the infinite joy of having a child,&nbsp; not for the happiness that comes with the singular mother-child relationship—all of this was not the motivating factor. Why did Rachel want a child? So that she has somebody to blame for getting the turkey and cranberry sauce all over the floor?! &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

Absurd or what? Our mother Rachel, barren and infertile, was yearning for a child—to the point of her telling Jacob: “If I don’t have children I am dead”—So that she blame all her mistakes on her child?

What is more, this seems so dishonest. If Rachel did not really make errors like breaking dishes and eating up figs, she would have not been ashamed to begin with. If she did, and she was constantly getting embarrassed, what exactly was her comfort now? That when she breaks a china plate she will lie and say that her child did it?

What is even more disturbing is that she names her baby “Yosef,” which means removed, to celebrate the fact that now her shame has been “removed” (asaf). You are giving your child whom you waited for so many years a name which represents your newfound ability now to blame him for your mistakes?!

How can we make sense of this perplexing Midrash?

Of course, we need to dig deeper to uncover the gems contained here. In essence, Rachel was teaching us one of the primary secrets to live a life of gratitude.

Rachel’s Magic

In all our lives there is a gap between what we have, and what we want. No one gets everything. And even when we are given blessings, the “package” comes with “fine print” you may have not realized in the beginning. Human nature is to focus on that which we are missing, while forgetting that which we have. We take our blessings for granted and we obsess about the missing pieces.

Rachel knew about the human proclivity to focus on the negative instead of the positive, and that even after you experienced an extraordinary gift, after a while you take it for granted and begin kvetching about the imperfections. To counterbalance this human recipe for misery, she exclaimed, “G-d has removed my shame,” to remind herself of the idea that she must attribute the things going wrong to her child. When your child breaks the dish or eats the figs, remember that the only reason you have this problem is because you were blessed with a child. When your child breaks something or eats up the fresh food you made for the guests, attribute the problem to your child, to the miracle and blessing of having a child.

You can say: Oy, my child MADE A MESS. Or you can say: Thank G-d, MY CHILD made a mess. Same words, but with a different emphasis.

It is the Jewish custom that when a glass breaks, we shout: Mazal Tov! When the groom breaks the glass under the chuppah, we exclaim Mazal Tov! Why don’t we say: Oy, 10 dollars down the drain? This is Rachel’s gift: When the plate breaks, be grateful. It means you have a home; you own dishes. When your husband breaks something, say: Mazal Tov! Thank goodness, I married a human being, not an angel.

To live means to become aware of the miracle of the breath I am emitting at this moment. Every breath is a Divine gift. I am alive, wow. I am grateful. I do not own life; I did not create life; I am privileged to be a channel for life, for the infinite source of life, at this moment—wow. And I have a child sitting near me—wow, I can now be a channel for love and light.

Yes, life presents us with painful moments, and we can feel overwhelmed, scared, and sad. And at that very moment, I can talk to my mind and say: And now, I want to go into space of gratitude—of knowing that G-d creates me at this moment so I can be a channel for His infinite love, light, peace, and compassion, and to radiate that to all around me.

The Hunch of a Mother

With the hunch of a mother, Rachel decided to immortalize this message in the name of her child, Yosef, meaning “G-d removed my shame.” This became the secret of Joseph’s success.

Joseph endured enormous pain and suffering. His brothers despised him, they sold him into slavery, he was accused of promiscuity, and thrown into a dungeon for twelve years. And yet throughout his entire life, Joseph never lost his joy, grace, passion for life, love for people, ambition to succeed, and his ability to forgive. Joseph comes across as one of the most integrated, wholesome, cheerful, loveable persons in the entire Tanach. With a life story like his, we would expect him to be bitter, cynical, resentful, angry, stone-like, and harsh. “A rock feels no pain and an island never cries,” yet Joseph weeps more than everyone in the Hebrew Bible.

How did he do this? This, perhaps, was his mother’s gift. Though she died when he was nine years of age, she infused him with perspective on how to live: Every challenge can only exist because it has a blessing as its backdrop. I feel pain? But that means I am alive, and I have feelings. It also means that there is something new I must discover about myself and the world. I am hurt, but that means that I I am sensitive, and I can be here for people. I have a disagreement with my spouse? That means that I am blessed to have a soul partner who cares for me, and that we have an opportunity to create a deeper relationship. My children challenge me? That means I have children whom I love, and I am given an opportunity to dig deeper and find the light beyond the darkness.

The Backdrop of Pain

When your husband comes home late from work, instead of thinking: He is so irresponsible and unreliable, you can choose to say: Thank G-d I have a husband, who loves me and cares for me, and he has a job he loves, and works hard. (Sure, speak to him about coming him on time, but choose what you will focus on).

When your mother or father call you for help, instead of saying to yourself: Oy, my entire life must revolve around her needs, say instead: Thank G-d I have parents.

When you come into the office and you experience overload, with 90 emails to respond to, six different options for future growth, tell yourself: Thank G-d I have a job, I have six different options, I have so much to do, I am busy and productive, and I am driven.

When your wife rebukes you for your mistakes, instead of thinking, why do I need someone who criticized me? Say to yourself: I am so grateful to I have a wife who cares about me so deeply.

When your kids or grandkids make a “balagan” in your home and turn the place upside down, don’t zoom in exclusively on the mess; rather focus on the fact that you have children and grandchildren who are filled with good spirit.

When your car breaks down and you must get it towed, instead of cursing your lot, say to yourself: I own a car. That puts me in the one percent bracket superior to most humans on this planet.

An Appetite

Chassidim tell a story about the holy Reb Zusha of Anipoli. When he was a child, he often went hungry. But he was always thankful. Once, when he was really hungry, someone overheard him talking to G-d. This is what he said: G-d, I want to thank you so much for giving me an appetite!

Even the hunger he experienced as something that can exist only in the context of a blessing. G-d gave me an appetite.

Gratitude Even As I Don't Get It

I do not comprehend the reason and purpose of so much of what is going on in our world; it is much larger than our brains. The pain we are all feeling is visceral and profound; it is the pain of peoplehood, of being part of a singular organism challenged to its core. How can I show up best in such a situation? How can I remain anchored in hope, faith, and courage? How can I, and each of us, become a beacon of light, love, and strength?

Rachel teaches us, by choosing to live in a space of gratitude, because that allows us to remain anchored in the source of all life, love, and strength, not get washed away by the tides of anger, frustration, and madness. My heart swells with gratitude to the majestic people of Israel, to my people, my brothers and sisters who are so holy and good; toward the loved ones in my life who are Divine gifts; to my inner soul which has so much light and love.

And, finally, gratitude for the privilege of being a conduit for Hashem’s truth, strength, and clarity. &nbsp;

&nbsp;

It is one of the strangest Midrashim: When Joseph was born, Rachel said that now her shame was removed. Why? The Rabbis say: &ldquo;As long as a woman has no child, she has no one to blame for her faults. As soon as she has a child, she blames him. &lsquo;Who broke this dish? Your child!&rsquo; &lsquo;Who ate these figs? Your child!&rsquo;&quot; 
Am I hearing this correctly? Why did Rachel, childless for 7 years, yearn for a baby? Not for the incredible experience of creating a life, not for the love, delight and happiness that comes with the singular mother-child relationship&mdash;all of this was not the motivating factor. Why did Rachel want a child? So that she has somebody to blame for getting the turkey and cranberry sauce all over the floor.&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; 
What is even more disturbing is that she names her baby Yosef to celebrate this fact that now her shame has been &ldquo;removed&rdquo; (asaf). How can we make sense of this perplexing Midrash? It is here we come to learn one of the secrets to live a life of gratitude.

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yosef

gratitude

thanksgiving

How Rachel Taught Her Child—and the World—the Secret to Happiness

Essay Parshas Vayetzei

Gratitude & Thanksgiving During Insane Times 

This lecture was presented at Chabad of Richmond Hill, Toronto, Ontario on January 8, 2011. Courtesy of KosherTube.com

Our Patriarch Jacob wishes to Marry Rachel; He Was Deceived and Ended Up Marrying Leah. Why Was the First Jewish Family Created In Such a Deceptive Way? Do You Know Whom You Married? A Guide to Heal the Relationship Crisis

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yyj_creating_harmony_kosher_tube.360p.mp4

yyj_creating_harmony_kosher_tube.mp3

marriage

divorce

relationships

leah

Why Was the First Jewish Family Created In Deception? A Guide to Heal the Relationship Crisis

Toronto Marriage Lecture

Marriage: The Comedy and the Kabbalah

Such a great shiur

This lecutre was presented to women in Woodridge, NY, on August 4, 2015 (19 Av, 5775), arranged by Torah Projects of Agudath Israel of America.

Marriages Infected by Insecurity

How to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Agudas Israel Lecture for Women

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