• S

  student -7 years ago

  Rabbi,,, the third Beis Hamikdosh is supposed to be built by Hashem, if so why is the law of not using children that are learning relevant to today / tomorrow's world.

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• E

  Eliana -11 years ago

  Working on the common "voice"
  Thank you for your insight in this law. Two thoughts came to mind while reading it:
  
  1. I suspect that any parent who would drag his or her child in public to humiliate the child by telling a beit din that the child is "rebellious" has no concern for the child's feelings and is probably abusive. In such a case, perhaps the parents should be punished--or at least reprimanded and "sentenced" to parenting classes.
  
  2. What if the parents are rashas--liars, thieves, even murderers--and the child's rebellion is his/her attempt to get/stay "on the derech"? Such parents are probably good actors and could make a good appearance before the court. And who would the court believe: the parents or the child? What a wonderful (ie, "apparently" halachic) way for them to get rid of another mouth to feed and increase their illicit "profit margin!" I understand that there is a halachah stating that a child should give kibud av v'aym UNLESS the parents are rashas. In such a case, the "rebellious son" is the righteous son and should keep as much evidence as possible to bring the parents to court.
  
  
  
  Having been raised by an abusive immoral parent and an enabler, I think we need to look at halachot governing  parenting very carefully and from every angle possible. In our frum communities, there's a lot of peer pressure to have lots of children. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, especially the parent of a large family.To make matters worse, there is a trend nowadays in frum communities to not discuss anything negative, such as abuse, drug use, alcoholism, and simply the everyday stressors of life. I think we need to speak the truth--the good AND the bad--to our children, especially as they reach marriageable age, so that they can be realistic in their expectations about life in general and family life in particular. That may reduce the number of poorly raised and neglected children in our communities and bring us all to the moral heights to which we were destined.

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• N

  nat -11 years ago

  Jews have ONE Father
  Hashem built this law knowing that it can never apply on a spiritual level to the Jewish people.
  
  Since we have ONE G_D Almighty and this law applies only on certain conditions of TWO parents.
  
  So the usual metaphor (children of Hashem) does not apply here.
  
  
  
  Maybe a reason why Hashem put this in the Torah is that CHILDREN who read this [and have not yet studied Talmud, -or read this blog:) ] should grow up with respect towards their parents. When I was a child in Cheder, this parsha frightened the wits out of me.
  
  
  
  Hashem is not only caring for the kinderlach, but is teaching us how important chinuch is. An entire parsha in the Torah(!) was wriiten to bring respect into the youngsters' hearts.
  
  והאלוקים עשה שיראו מלפניו.
  
   

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• JS

  Joe Sol -12 years ago

  Issac & Rebekka
  To Roxanne perri.
  
  
  
  According to normative 'peshat'
  
  
  
  Unlike Abraham and Sarah, Issac and Rebbeka were not an ideal couple.
  
  
  
  Besides the age difference being one of the many  barriers between them.
  
  
  
  Issac was known for his stern and harsh manner, perhaps the outcome of  trauma from his brush with death by his very  fathers hands, at the Akeida.
  
  
  
  The narrative itself shows ample proof of a strong  discord and of total breakdown in communication between them.
  
  
  
  otherwise Issac would have known from Rebeka, about Esav's antics.
  
  
  
   she would also not need to go behind her husbands back and promote her son Jacob to lie, steal , cheat  and commit wrongful impersonation, and hurt his brother as well.
  
  
  
  This lead to  many negative  ramifications, and all involved suffered immensly because of Rebbeka's backhanded insistence.
  
  
  
  Which would have been redundant , had she  lovingly relayed information over the true spiritual status of their children!

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• R

  Reuven -12 years ago

  Stubborn ...
  Sorry, I meant
  
  The child might            turn             into a villain....

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• R

  Reuven -12 years ago

  Rebellious son
  I think that the text in Deuteronomy is very clear about the conditions to be met for one to be called 'stubborn and rebellious' : profligate and drunkard. These conditions involve immorality ( which is also punishable by death) and a lifestyle which will eventually prove unworthy of (everlasting) life if nothing is done to reverse this bad life. 
  
  I think that is commandment was given by G-d as a warning to parents of what might (eventually) happen. The child might child  into a villain fearing no authority  if they fail to educate him right. And then even if no parent is willing to bring his own child to be judged and punished by the elders of the people,the idea is that the same punishment is likely to be inflicted   later in his age without any 'help' of the parents.
  
  Just think of what happens today in the world: whoever heard of a murderer to be deemed innocent for his crimes just because while he was a child he experienced a lot of disharmony and strife in his family?!
  
  And oftentimes the parents should bear most of the guilt for having distroyed the balance of mind of the child and then have thrown him into the world to manage in living a good life.   
  
   
  
  We, humans are often rebbelious and stubborn, we should admit it, even if sometimes we are not fully to blame. The Prophet Jeremiah has called the people 'stubborn' for not turning back to G-d, and meanwhile G-d was admonishing the people to give up their bad life in order to be forgiven. Stubbornness is an inherent trait of our fallen nature, we should be honest and admit it.
  
  
  
  Whoever has read the book of Jeremiah understands how much foregivenness Hashem was willing to show to the people of Israel even though they had violated many laws for the transgression of which the punishment was death.
  
  
  
  So it is not so much about a pre-emtive punishment, but a warning leading to a pre-emtive conduct, to the awareness of the consequences of disharmony in the family, which are to affect negatively children.
  
  
  
   

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• RP

  Roxanne Perri -12 years ago

  Rebellious Son
  Thanks Rabbi for another wonderful essay about the Rebellious son.  As a marital
  
   therapist and graphologist, I find many young children being pulled between the dissenting attitudes of the parents and through their own angst and argument, they produce troubled children.  However, on the flip side, Isaac and Rebecca who were of one voice had the righteous Jacob and the warrier Esau.  Go figure!

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• L

  Lazer -12 years ago

  ALSHICH
  See Torah Moshe (Alshich) where the idea you explained is presented and he goes further. He explains why the Torah primarily blames the Ish for the Ben. The father was self centered and helped himself to another's delights (yefas Toar) just to gratify his own Taavah. He felt entitled to another's goods if he needed to quench his thirst. It can be no surprise then that the son learned from the father

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• EB

  Eli Bear -12 years ago

  Getting ready for Shabbos
  Great! Living in Eretz Yisroel, sometimes the emails arrive a bit late Friday afternoon, something many in America perhaps never thought of. This week, it was waiting fresh and early. Thank you

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• IMTM

  It misses the mark -12 years ago

  Parents vs. child
  But what if the parents merged their voices and raised a child in an ambience not especially upholding Torah values? The degree of parental homogeneity should not make or break a case for a rebelling child. There is something lacking in the argument.

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• M

  mls -12 years ago

  something's not right
  You're a great speaker and your words enter my heart, but according to your lesson that's a contradiction. There must be a third option somewhere to explain it...

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• AQ

  A Question -12 years ago

  oneness in your heart
  You say that the in order for a son to accept and follow his father's teachings the child must see that it is coming from his heart and not only from his mouth, how do you explain Yishmael and Esau, both Avraham and Yitzchak surely transmitted their teachings from the heart etc. and yet their was a psul?

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• AH

  Ailon Heitner -12 years ago

  Jacob's heart
  You said in the class the Jacob's heart fully believed in one G-D that's why all his children did too. but what about Avraham and Isaac? they didn't have the same qualities?
  
  

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• RT

  Rivka Tamkin -12 years ago

  heartfelt
  I felt this in my heart, thank you for this powerful message. Also, I love that you teach and share the Alshich HaKodesh, his Torah is very precious.

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• KT

  Kayo, Tokyo -13 years ago

  Now I see why
  Baruch HaShem
  
  Now I know why every of your shiur pierce my heart.
  I recite "Shalom Aleichem" on every Shabbat as I instracted by Rabbi Bryski of Chabad Coneyo and does not matter how tired or sleepy I would be, I make Kiddush on Shabat and Yom Tov as I learned from Rabbi Mendi and Rebbetzin Chana Sudakevich of Chabad Japan.

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• RRC

  Rabbi Reuven Cohen -14 years ago

  To ponder...
  BH
  It appears Moshe Rabeinu was also taking the stance of a "rebellious son" by challenging G-d on this issue. Perhaps he considered that if he would have won the argument it would vindicate any potential "rebellious sons" - lieral and figurative - in the future.
  Yasher koach for this site. and a gemar chasima tova.

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• YC

  Y Chaim -14 years ago

  Group
  Together with a group of parents from the school we learned together your essey. It was a very special event. Yesher Cochachá!

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• CT

  Chayamiriam Taurog -14 years ago

  Wow
  Just wow; it's great. Thank you, Rabbi Jacobson

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• D

  Daniel -14 years ago

  Enough justification for such a law?
  Dear Rabbi, you have drawn positive life insights from a seemingly irrelevant, cruel law.
  
  While you make a good argument, I don't think this insight is enough justification for the creation of such a dark law by a benevolent G-d. We can learn already from other portions of the Torah about the need for Shalom Bayis and respect between couples and the need to respect ones parents.
  
  It appears more plausible that this law was indeed intended as a real law written by the Jewish leaders in the biblical period between the time of Moses and 450 BCE.
  
  It also appears most plausible to me that the Rabbis of the Talmud were more civilised and sophisticated than previous generations and wisely added so many conditions that this law would never be enacted again.
  
  I believe your belief in the divine authorship of the Torah, along with your desire to find positive, useful insights in the laws drawn from Torah motivates you to draw conclusions which possibly the original authors never thought of.
  
  The talmudic clarifications of the law are entertaining & puzzling -
  'He must have stolen money from his parents, used it to buy a tremendous amount of meat and Italian wine' - Does this really mean that Hashem & Moses at Mt Sinai could appreciate the allure of good Italian wine in future Talmudic times?
  

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• E

  Esther -14 years ago

  parental unity
  Your essay is very perceptive. I will add, that i takes two to make peace, but only one to make war or discord. If one parent becomes abusive, disrespectful of he other and is prone to rages, more often than not characteristics more prevalent in males, the partner may have no control over the other, no influence, yet there may be other reasons why they must continue to stay under the same roof. In certain cases, one parent can be at fault and the other suffers together with the children, until such a time that separation is possible. I had a husband like this who had to be "right" all the time, and could only issue decrees, promote fear and resist any discussion.

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• A

  A -14 years ago

  Sheduchim
  Why You don't speak about shiduchim this is more important than any other topic

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• D

  Devorah -14 years ago

  good stuff
  This essay might work well in some child psychology class

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• M

  Moshe -14 years ago

  Thanks
  One of your best essays ever.

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• T

  Tzivia -14 years ago

  Despite your wonderful explanation, I still find it disturbing that Hashem would deem any child of any age, whether our own children, or Hashem's children as in the Bnei Yisrael, could be seen as so wayward and beyond teshuva that they no longer deserve to live. Jews have always lived by the concept "where there is life there is hope". In fact as I understand it chassidic philosophy is all about rehabilitation of the wicked and teshuva.

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• A

  Anonymous -14 years ago

  you are brilliant but find you too long winded

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• מ

  מנדי -14 years ago

  great insight - yasher koakh
  how great are the Sages and those who teach them so well.Yasher koakh, R' Jacobson.
  What a delightful Zohar, squeezing honey from coarse words.

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• LR

  Lenore Roberts -14 years ago

  The very last sentence...
  First, thank you so much for this fine essay - as usual, it is one of your many excellent lessons. I do have a question about the word 'angels' see footnotes #8, the very last sentence. Is this meant as written or is 'angles' the word you intended to write? If it is 'angels", please explain.
  Thank you again,
  Mrs. Roberts

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• A

  alex -14 years ago

  rebellious child
  Kudos on an excellent essay.
  It seems to me that implicit in the reluctance of Moshe to include this law into the codex was his fear for the Israelites.
  On a cosmic level, if the ultimate verdict for such a son is death, then derivatively, Moshe was concerned that given the rebellious nature of the Hebrews, they may be subject to a similar verdict.
  I expect that what God revealed to Moshe was His foregone promise on the eternality of the Hebrews. This no doubt mollified Moshe's fears.

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• E

  Elki -14 years ago

  to David
  That's a very real and sad question. A person who cannot marry YET because emotional unhealthiness is in the way, he or she has a good chance of being helped through good therapy. If someone is truly psychotic I don't know if she or he is a candidate for marriage, unless a parent or social worker is sort of a supervisor/advisor for the couple.
  Again, I think Rabbi Jacobson is referring to neuroses that can be healed, leavig an emotionally healthy person. Emotional dysfunction wreaks havoc on a marriage. The most important factor, relatioship and understanding can be destroyed.
  Most importantly, a person needs to acknowledge, even silently, that she or he needs help and then be healthy enough to seek it.

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• S

  shula -14 years ago

  oholei tora education
  Rabbi Jacobson, i do not sleep nights because of my childrens Tora education.
  I would like to know how you suggest to help my boys love to learn ? I can ask more specofic questions if you allow. [email protected]
  thank you very very much for your class

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• Y

  Yosef -14 years ago

  Love your Student
  as the saying goes,
  "They don't care how much you know until they know how much You care "

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• M

  miriam -14 years ago

  how do we inspire our children
  First of all yasha co ach!!
  may you go from strength to strength
  
  however....
  its so funny
  my husband has been telling that joke for years!!!LOL!!!
  i see great minds think alike!!!
  all the best
  miriam S.

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• D

  David -14 years ago

  Question
  If we're only supposed to marry someone who is emotionally healthy, then what of those who are emotionally damaged? What becomes of them? Are they destined to live and die alone?

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• T

  T -14 years ago

  It Is Not True
  i think your message that it is what they see in their parents and that there is a guarantee if the parents are warm to yiddishkite -- is not correct.
  the proof is in the pudding.
  in our community we see families that gave it all to Torah, losing their children to yiddishkite.
  
  I think our chinuch system - especially where boys are concerned -- is VERY lacking and snatches away good kids that had devoted parents from yiddishkite.
  Sincerely
  T
  

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• Y

  YG -14 years ago

  Ellie
  Thank you for yoyr post. You did a great job at summarizing the main points of the shiur and even adding on a beautiful insight in regards to the actual building of the Beis Hamikdash. However, while Im sure you did not mean it in this way, one thing you wrote irked me a little. When you wrote, "It never fails to amaze me how insightful the Torah is". Certainly, Torah is amazing! But do you realize that G-d authored the Torah? Is it something which you have repeatedly meditated upon and internalized because if you have it would not amaze you - it would be commonplace. The Zohar writes that G-d peered into the Torah and created the world. Our world is a byproduct of the Torah. It should not amaze anyone to see that the Torah is timeless because its author is timeless, If it is amazing then its not real to us. Im not trying to arouse dispute or reprimand for no apparent reason. Torah is our lifeblood spoken to Moses from G-d Almighty Himself and its wisdom is not there to amaze or impress as would be any secular scholarly work but rather to internalize and actualize.

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• E

  Ellie -14 years ago

  Essence of Education
  What a powerful message. I hope all teachers and educators will get this Memo. I think it should be a mandatory intro to any education class/course:
  
  – Successful Teaching Skills 101:
  
  
  
  1. Teach with the same emotional component as if your students were your children.
  
  
  
  2. Act the part.
  
  
  
  3. Preserve, attend to, cultivate, love and care the inner child within you. The importance of the “child” component if it’s a physical child or an emotional child (an healthy inner child or course) , is imperative for the preservation not only of our own vitality, youth, emotional health (in the current times)- Inner Beis Hamikdash, but also for the preservation of the nation’s identity and survival – the ability to relate to the younger generation and penetrate their hearts with the teachings( future)- the construction of the next and final Beis Hamikdash.
  
  
  
  I even starch my uderstanding and say that in order to be able to get to the real redemption (true healing)- the building of the final beis hamikdash, we must first take care, cultivate and heal the “child”(the outer physical child and)the Inner one.
  
  
  
  It never fails to amaze me how insightful the Torah is. Long before Psychology was even introduced to the world, the Torah stressed on the importance of the child to the point it created Laws in regards to the most fundamental subjects in Judaism – so no one will be mistaken and underestimate the importance of the “(Inner)child.”.
  
  
  
  The first to introduce the Inner Child therapy concept was the Torah!
  
  
  
  Thank you for the reminder! As always, Big Yeshar koach.
  
  Ellie

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• A

  Admin -14 years ago

  MP3 Is Uploaded
  Enjoy! Sorry for the delay.

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• D

  dovid -14 years ago

  MP3 Audio file download
  dear Support...... in truth, i Only have Compliments for your Weekly Labors of Love, but i am reminding you that some of us find the Downloadable link for the MP3 file to be very valuable, and it is NOT yet available for the July 27, 2009 Shiur?
  thanks
  dovid

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• A

  Anonymous -14 years ago

  will this be available for download?

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• D

  De -14 years ago

  Great Sheir
  I so enjoyed it but towards the end he started to repeat things word for word from before did the tape go wrong?

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• YG

  Yochanan Gordon -14 years ago

  Excellent
  Reb YY,
  
  Thank you again for delivering a powerful shiur with a very practical lesson. I should state that I caught onto the diyukim in krias Shema before it was said and wholeheartedly agree that it is the true intent of the pesukim on one level. However, a question amongst all this arises and it very well could be that others have this same question. While I may have a possible approach for now I will leave the question unanswered to encourage public debate. There have certainly been situations throughout our history where parents who were leaders and true selfless servants of G-d have produced children who have not followed their lead. It seems from the lesson laid out in this shiur that parents who practice what they preach should produce sincerely G-d fearing children? Certainly in many instances this was not the case. I would appreciate your response to this question as well as that of anyone elses opinions on the matter.

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• G

  Golda -14 years ago

  Yosher Koach Rabbi Jacobson and company! Thank you for the inspiration and the reinforcement. I hope all teachers and potential teachers ( and all young women) see and hear this.

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• B

  Boris -14 years ago

  Question
  Hello, it was one of the interesting ones. I still would like to ask you if you don't mind. What are we as human kind are being redeemed? Who are we running from? From what do we need to be liberated?

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  • M

    Michale -12 years ago

    Re: Question
    To administrator and Rabbi Jacobson: Two year passed, there is no answer... I would like to know how long each question will be answered.

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  • A

    Anonymous -12 years ago

    Re: Question
    I think each of us runs from something else. But maybe the factor that unites us all is the story of Jonah, running from G-d, meanin grunning from our true calling, destiny, and mission; running from our own deepest truth and our own deepest core.

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Rabbi YY Jacobson

• July 27, 2009
• |
• 6 Av 5769
• |
• 4398 views

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