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What Are the Grounds for Divorce?

The Talmudic Version of Romance

51 min

Class Summary:

Divorce is a fact of life, especially in today’s culture. But what are the grounds for divorce? When do you know it’s time to throw in the towel and just give up?

"It will be if she does not find favor in his eyes, for he found in her an unseemly [moral] matter, an ‘ervas davar,’ then he may write a divorce." (Deuteronomy 24:1.) But what does this mean practically? The Mishnah at the conclusion of Tractate Gittin quotes a three-way dispute between the school of Shammai, the school of Hillel, and Rabbi Akiva.

Bais Shammai—known for their strict opinion in most matters of Jewish law—say that divorce should only occur over a matter of immorality; only if the marriage has been betrayed by infidelity are there grounds for divorce. (Even then, the rabbis say, one must investigate the matter very carefully and not act impulsively.)

Bais Hillel—usually known for their leniency—say that divorce is permitted “even if she burns his dish.” Comes Rabbi Akiva—whose devotion and gratitude to his wife Rachel was legendary—and says that even if a man just finds a more beautiful woman, he may divorce his wife.

We can understand the first opinion. But the other two opinions seem incomprehensible. This might work for the Hollywood Code of Ethics, but not for the Sages of the school of Hillel!?

The commentators explain that they were referring to a woman who intentionally burns her husband’s food just to torture him. Ok, granted. But how can we justify Rabbi Akiva’s opinion? You are walking down the street and you see a better-looking woman, now you may go home and get divorced?

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  • G

    Gabriel -12 years ago

    Divorce in the Talmud
    The rabbi is trying to be apologetic for the so called sages.

    How about seing what we are suposed to, that these rabbis , although were advance for their thinking in their time, they were stil mysogynistic compared to the equalities of men and women.

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    • C

      Chavi -4 years ago

      Lol.. How about 50 shades of Grey being the best selling book in America for the last decade... & the fastest selling paperback in Britain's history... 

      Judaism knows the eternal nature of pe. Men & women 👍 

      Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

  • MF

    mendi fei -12 years ago

    felisitaciones
    felicitaciones a moty 

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  • G

    Gabriel -12 years ago

    Vision
    Thank you for this class.

    It provides an ideal an a role model that is hard to find.

    Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

  • M

    mls -13 years ago

    how much more so...
    If the love that a sage had for his wife was so deep, if that's how Hashem felt towards us when we were pious and G-dfearing, how much more so does He appreciate every tiny effort we make to find Him in this world of double darkness and confusion. How precious it must be to Him when we do a mitzvah - against all odds. How much delight must He take in hearing our voice calling to Him through all the hundreds and thousands of sounds that fly through the air every moment, cutting through all the radio, television, internet, mobile phone transmissions - one small  voice that calls out and says "Hashem where are you?" "Tattie!"

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  • SC

    Shmueli C -13 years ago

    12 Years


    I came across these insights on learning for 12 years by Rabbi Akiva Gemorah in Kesuvos 62b-63a and other Talmidei Chachomim. You mentioned in shiur what Rabbi Akiva said about his wife that שלי ושלכם שלה הוא

    so I thought I would share this with you דרך אגב...



    LEARNING TORAH FOR TWELVE YEARS The Gemara records stories about Tana'im and Amora'im who left their homes to learn Torah for twelve years after their marriage. What is unique about twelve years that they all chose to go away to learn for specifically that amount of time?



    (a) The MAHARSHA explains that the Mishnah in Avos (5:21) states that a person is enjoined to get married at the age of eighteen, and the peak of his strength is at age thirty. Since a person learns best after he is married (Yevamos 62b), the best time to set aside for learning Torah are those years between eighteen and thirty.



    (b) The CHIDA (in Sefer Mar'is ha'Ayin) writes that there are (approximately) 613 weeks in twelve years. By going away for twelve years, one can spend one week learning each Mitzvah.



    (c) The BEN YEHOYADA adds that the twelve years of learning are comprised of six years learning the six Sedarim of Mishnah and Gemara with breadth (b'Ki'us), and then six years of delving deeply into the six Sedarim (b'Iyun).



    He points out that there is an allusion in a verse that success in learning comes after a person has learned for twelve years. The verse states, "For six years you shall sow your field, and for six years you shall harvest your vineyard, and you will gather the produce" (Vayikra 25:3). "For six years you shall sow your field" -- just like sowing a field prepares the way for growing fruits, one must spend six years preparing the way for gaining understanding in the Torah by learning a large breadth of the Torah. "And for six years you shall harvest your vineyard" -- these are the six years of delving in depth and coming to Halachic conclusions in one's learning. After that, then "you will gather the produce." "The produce" refers to the Torah (Bava Basra 145b), for after twelve years of learning one will have made a true acquisition in his learning of Torah. 

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