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How To Talk To Your Children

How Words You Use Impact Your Children. Class 1 of 4

22 min

Class Summary:

How To Talk To Your Children- The Power the Words You Use Have on Your Children. Class 1 of 4

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  • SJB

    s j Bukht -10 years ago

    yeshava.net


    1st time i have heard such beautiful. nice, amazing, speech. i have no words to express my true feeling, in short thanks and a lot of thanks

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  • R

    Rachel -12 years ago

    disupting pop-up
    Hi theyeshiva.net editors, you have a great site which can truly teach a lot. Thank you! I especially like Dr. Drizin's videos and his expertise on child care. Just one complaint I know you guys need donations as I can tell that a site which has this many archives probably costs a lot of rent, but do I really need to to see it every 3 minutes another pop-up asking me to donate? It can get kind of disruptful.

    Ok thanks and also if I want to donate my maasaer money but don't want to give my credit card number, can I send cash? To whom do I address it? You can email me back at [email protected]

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  • Y

    YH -13 years ago

    story
    Good message, good stories. One correction. The story with the Alter Rebbe was not about Jewish cantonists which were after his time.

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  • CI

    Chaim Itche -13 years ago

    Avrohom
    Yes

    A child when told "You are a good little boy" "You are great" "You are so smart." is judgmental and evaluative praise and is better avoided. Why? Because it is not helpful. It creates anxiety, invites dependency, and evokes defensiveness. "I'm not so smart" "I'm not so good" "I'm not as great as you think I am." "If I'm smart or great or very good" then I need to fill all these expectations. Etc..

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  • CI

    Chaim Itche -13 years ago

    Avrohom
    Yes

    A child when told "You are a good little boy" "You are great" "You are so smart." is judgmental and evaluative praise and is better avoided. Why? Because it is not helpful. It creates anxiety, invites dependency, and evokes defensiveness. "I'm not so smart" "I'm not so good" "I'm not as great as you think I am." "If I'm smart or great or very good" then I need to fill all these expectations. Etc..

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  • A

    Avrohom -13 years ago

    Question for Rabbi Drizin
    What do you mean by that rule: "praise only child's accomplishments, not character"? what about if my son has an innate good character? I should not say "you are very sharp and sensitive"? Because its generalities and therefore meaningless for the kid?

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  • CI

    Chaim Itche -13 years ago

    Giving praise
    One of the most important rules is that "praise only the children's EFFORTS and ACCOMPLISHMENTS, not with their CHARACTER and PERSONALITY."  Words of praise need to reflect for the child a realistic picture of her/his accomplishments, not a distorted image of his/her personality.

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  • CB

    Chaim Bryski -13 years ago

    The art of giving praise
    Thank you Rabbi Drizin for articulating the dangers in praisng the wrong way without taking the effort to describe the positive behavior. If just that concept you would teach Dayenu! Instead of "I'm so proud about your good marks" - "you spent time studying the Chumash even though it was so hard; You must be so proud of yourself". Thank you for your profound wisdom.

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  • RCD

    Rabbi Chaim Drizin -13 years ago

    Response to Nechama
    Concentrate on energizing what's working in a child's behavior. And 'storying' what the child is doing that is right and good. ALL children do good things.



    If you have 4 year old who "kicks, bites, scratches, and pushes" when she/he are "pushing and scratching" but not "kicking" you say: Moishi or Leah, "youre not kicking!" or: "I know how hard it is for you to give up your turn, and you just gave up your turn to Dovid", or: "you came home and you put away your backpack", or: "I noticed you said the first two lines in the benching".



    Just keep noticing all the things that your children are doing, from the simple to the hardest. That will give them a story of success          הצלחה. "My mother noticed, my father noticed WOW." That gives a child a sense of importance of who they are. 



    What you 'story' is remembered, what you don't is forgotten.

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  • EFAC

    educater for Amazing Challengi -13 years ago

    Thank u
    i cannot wait for your upcoming class! this one had some very good stories that i cant wait to share with my students...many of whom were sadly given very false unhealthy definitions of self...keep the stories coming!

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  • N

    nechama -13 years ago

    thanks - need examples...
    Thank you for your insightful class. It would be most helpful to me if you provided some words that build children. For example, if a child is difficult at home, causing a great deal of stress in the household, what can we say so the child does not get a story for himself of "I'm a mean person, I'm disrespectful to my parents...etc."
    thank you

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  • J

    Joseph -13 years ago

    Thanks
    A very important message.

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  • FF

    Florida fan -13 years ago

    Teachers
    I was amazed by you class, I think that teachers in our Yeshivah world are missing a lot of basic professional training, I know you did an amazing job in LEC keep it up its about time all yeshivos get into this they need to do better job.

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  • A

    Anonymous -13 years ago

    Curious
    About what you will say next week. I found this very compelling, its almost sublime. Many parents will think they are telling their children great narratives, but I would say they are not...

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