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The Story of My Life -- How To Build Your Child's Self Esteem

We Are the Stories That We Tell, and the Stories Others Tell About Us. Lecture 2 of 4

23 min

Class Summary:

The Story of My Life -- How To Build Your Child's Self Esteem- We Are the Stories That We Tell, and the Stories Others Tell About Us. Lecture 2 of 4

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  • DK

    david k -10 years ago

    Thank you for your true words of wisdom , first time listener , ( side note commentor isaac brings up point abt calling your son tzaddik  if we look in hagaddah the term used is chacham tzadik is something that happens with time and self sacrifice time after time a child should never be called a tzadik will give him wrong idea of what perfection means but wise smart promotes his learning understdanding by calling him chacham )

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  • C

    Chosid -13 years ago

    The "Rebbe's view"
    The Rebbe made it clear in a sicha on Parshas

    Emor, the great importance of stressing the maalos of a fellow yid bi deboor.

    Complimenting actually elevates their potential, according to the Rebbe. If the compliments are shallow, or have a hidden agenda, that is another story. A child's self-esteem comes from a parent continually seeing a child's potential, and stressing it at the appropriate times.

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  • I

    Isaac -13 years ago

    Calling your child a "tzaddik"
    Rabbi Drizinm, how about calling a child generally, not at any specific time or because of a specific action, "a tzaddik," a "malach," a "sweety," is that also not effective? is it not good? please give me your input.

    Thanks so much for these teachings. They are making a difference in my life.

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  • N

    Nechama -13 years ago

    Howard Glasser in NY this week
    Yes, this Approach which is truly "chassidish" in its essence is well developed by Howard Glasser, who will be giving a 1 day seminar in NYC on Wed, April 6 ( and Monday in Princeton, NJ.) Check it out at www.difficultchild.com(workshops and dates)

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  • CI

    Chaim Itche -13 years ago

    The Rusty Penny

    By Tuvia Bolton

    Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi

    (This is as it appears on Chabad.org)


    I heard the story from my father, Rabbi Avrohom Mayorer, a long time ago, and he told it about two orphans who were about to marry and the local Poretz, Landowner, needed money to pay his taxes to the Czar so he held up the local Jewish community by demanding ten thousand ruble from the community or the Choson would

    be given as a soldier to the Czarist army for the quota of soldiers.

    The money was collected to save the unfortunate choson.

    that the Poretz needed to fill. If someone can help us with a source for this story we would appreciate it.

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  • Y

    Yosef -13 years ago

    Story wrong
    The decree with the Cantonisten began years after the passing of the Alter Rebbe! If the story happened, it was for money for another purpose. Rabbi Drizin, what is the source of the story? Please share with us.

    I did read the story once in one of the books of Rabbi Abraham Twerski. I do not remember though that he quoted a source.

    Please advise.

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  • NS

    Nechemia Schusterman -13 years ago

    Very good stuff
    thank you Rabbi Drizin and Yeshiva.net for providing this stuff.


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  • F

    FYI -13 years ago

    Nurtured heart approach
    Parents and educators who want more information on this topic can look up the Nurtured heart approach by Howard Glasser.

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  • P

    parent -13 years ago

    Howard Glasser
    Great to see this theory on this website. I'm in the process of doing a course based on this philosophy and hope it has an impact on me as a parent and my children's behaviour.
    keep up the good work, thanks.

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  • D

    Dovid -13 years ago

    amazing insight
    I just listened to the strategy that was presented and I must admit that I am one of the parents that has been focusing on the negatives. The message has made a big impression on me and with the help of HKB"H I will try to implement these ideas in my child raising strategies to try and reverse the negativity. Thank you so much.

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  • CID

    Chaim Itche Drizin -13 years ago

    Lev Vygotsky is central to Narrative ideas about therapy. My work is based on Narrative ideas.
    And thanks to שרה for the clarification about the story.

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  • ש

    שרה -13 years ago

    לגבי תאריכי הקנטוניסטים
    אני הבנתי שהסיפור היה עם אדמו"ר הזקן, אבל הוא אסף כסף להכנסת כלה

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  • CIDL

    Chaim Itche Drizin LMFT -13 years ago

    Challeging our kids
    One should always challenge one's children to do better, and always use things that your child has shown ability and success in, so that you are accentuating what is realistically possible in your child's life.

    "Yaakov, How can we help you do better in your Gemora class?", "Rachel, Is there something that stops you from getting a better grade in Chumash?", "Mendel, When you did well in your math/Nach test and you got a good mark, what do you attribute that to?", "Can you use the same ability that you used with your math/Nach, in your learning Chumash/Gemorah?"

    Use words that will uplift them, that will encourage them.

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  • KT

    Kayo, Tokyo -13 years ago

    Chabad has built me
    Baruch HaShem

    Now I understand the trick of Chabad Japan. I have been learning Yiddish Kait to go to Israel to convert...

    Thanks to Chabad Japan, I have been able to build confidence and self-esteem as a observant convert.

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  • CID

    Chaim Itche Drizin -13 years ago

    When you as a parent will be energizing your child on a consistent basis (7-20 times a day), always noticing and pointing out what it is that your child is doing "right" then eventually there will be less or no fighting.


    You need to be very clear about rules for children, and when children break rules there needs to be consequences.

    But consequences are NOT punishments, and the consequences need not be done with anger or any kind of negativity. Children must learn that for every unacceptable action there is a consequence, and you need to have all the rules very clear and very consistent, not just your kids do what they want.

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  • IP

    interested parent -13 years ago

    message that is very needed it will not be easy to retrain our negative behaviors toward our children but very necessary

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  • A

    anonymous -13 years ago

    Great message to parents and also for fundraisers!
    Thank you

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    • A

      Anonymous -13 years ago

      Re: message
      Thank you.

      Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

  • י

    יעקב -13 years ago

    ישר כוח גדול
    רק לציין שהצאר ניקולאי בשנת ה' תקפ"ה התחיל עם גזירת הקנטוניסטים ואדמו"ר הזקן נפטר בתקע"ג כך שהסיפור כנראה לא היה אתו . ושוב תודה על הסדרה המרתקת ן

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  • M

    Miri -13 years ago

    challenging our kids
    My remaining question is How do we challenge our children to do even more/ better than what they are doing?
    If my child comes home with a D on his test, I don't want to tell him it's okay - it's not. Is it okay to chastise our children when we are truly disappointed? What's the best way to do this that will make them believe they are capable of getting a better grade and encourage them to do better next time?

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  • M

    Michale -13 years ago

    Title of class and something else...
    The title of class in the video is different from the title on the top of Web page. It is "The Story of Your Life, You are the stories that you tell & the stories others share about you".
    Question to the Rabbi: one situation - some parents have several kids. Other situation - some family with kids has quests with their kids. And some kids start to punch each other. What parents / both parents can do to stop this punching? Do they need to actually to stop it or pay attention children for something else, for example, starting a game, reading, give desert...
    Other question: why some religious families, Rabbi’s families are included, against to ask their children to perform a physical job, like cleaning their yard, plant some flowers, trees? This is contact with nature and its beauty that Hashem creates and also breathing of fresh air. The physical job is always good for health including brain and intellectual development. I had read several stories which describe how righteous people at the time of our forefathers had appreciated the contact with nature.

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