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Discipline Only From Love

The Inside Story of the “Three Weeks”

1 hr 53 min

Class Summary:

This class was presented by Rabbi YY Jacobson, Sunday morning, on the postponed fast-day of 17-18 Tamuz 5766, July 24, 2016, in Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, New York. 

Please leave your comment below!

  • G

    Guest -6 years ago

    A point from my own painful childhood.

    My
    father, zul zein gezunt und shtark biz 120, is a child survivor who
    never dealt with his own trauma. I was a very bright child, but from age
    7 or so I started doing 'bad' things, like stealing, etc., in a stupid
    way. I very often got caught. After every few times, my father would
    come in to my room, take off his belt, and then whack me a few times.
    Then, he wold start crying. I would hold him and calm him down as
    he cried, "I love you, and I only want Nachas from you." Then he would
    calm down after a few minutes and leave the room, and I would not hear
    any expression of his love until the next time.

    Obviously, I did not understand that I was inciting his behavior so that I would hear him tell me that he loved me.

    Was this 'good' discipline? No. But it helped him overcome his trauma and express his love.

    Interestingly
    enough, after his parents passed away, the blockage cleared up. Now, he
    doesn't get off the phone without telling me that he loves me 2 or 3
    times.

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  • SC

    Sam Chein -7 years ago

    I would allow myself the liberty to explain a Talmudic statement in the end of Sotah that the left side is judgment and the right side is loving through closeness, that when one uses his left eye to judge Himself, than he will use his right eye to draw others close, but if he uses his right eye to love Himself, then his left eye will be left to judge others.....

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  • J

    joe -7 years ago

    question: can this really be said to some experiencing a deeply painful situation?

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    • RYJ

      Rabbi YY Jacobson -7 years ago

      A few points. 1) I do not think we can tell this to anyone else; only to ourselves. When we see the pain of others, we must be there for them emotionally and with full presence. 2) When someone is G-d forbid going through a painful reality, at that moment I do not think they can hear this or understand this. It is too raw, and painful. What they can do then is simply hold on to emunah, to faith, that this is something they do not understand and cannot understand, but that there is some bigger picture, which they need not comprehend now. They can allow their soul to trust G-d, even if they do not fathom at all how it can make any sense or by just in anyway. All they can do then is realize that logic cannot grasp all of reality and that one cannot figure it out. what they need to do then is allow themselves to feel whatever they are feeling, and know that they are not alone in their pain, and that somehow there is a loving presence here, even if all they feel is anger and shock and trauma, which is all part of the process.
      In the series on the basics of emunah #9, I discuss this more at length.

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  • J

    joe -7 years ago

    I do not get it: Why so much pain in order to discipline us? You don't kill your child in order to discipline him?

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    • RYJ

      Rabbi YY Jacobson -7 years ago

      Now you are asking the questions of all questions. I am not sure any of us can understand this fully. But let me state two points: The power of the Jewish people is infinite. It is nuclear power. And when it is abused and used in destructive ways, it generates chaos that is super powerful, within the entire cosmos and within the people of G-d. One more point: The experience of galus, the Sages explain, is not only a punishment for sin; but really a way of G-d sharing with His people the light of redemption, and His most deepest intimate presence which completely transcends the human faculties and hence overwhelms us. This second point is explained at length in two sources: Tanya ch. 26 and Likkutei Sichos vol. 2 Sichs on the three weeks and the nine days. This needs much much more elaboration, beyond the scope of this comment.

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Rabbi YY Jacobson

  • July 24, 2016
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  • 18 Tamuz 5776
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  • 5333 views

Leilu Nishmat Reb Eliyahu Tzion ben Reb Chananya Niasoff ז"ל
And in the merit of our partner in Torah Yigal Yisroel ben Sofia שיחיו

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