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Can We Learn to Be Silent Together?

When You Return To Your Source, Words Undermine Your Ability to Absorb

1 hr 19 min

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Class Summary:

This class was presented on Friday, Parshas Vayishlach, 15 Kislev, 5780, December 13, 2019 at the Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, NY 

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  • M

    Moshe -4 years ago

    A time to speak (up); a time to be silent

    There is a duty on anyone who observes wrong and is in a position to stop it to speak up. 

    Then again there is a duty NOT to speak up if one can know or guess that the person won't listen.

    How to reconcile?

    One must make an educated best guess based on experience, etc. If no impact or even negative reaction, be quiet.  If there's a possibility of  positive impact, speak up.

    Then there are extreme cases where harm can be avoided by speaking up.  Like calling the authorities against an abuser. One doesn't stop even if not listened to.  

    At a Shiva house, be quiet. Your precense has spoken already.

    "The sound of silence ". 

    In a marrige John Mordechsi Gottman  calls stonewalling  (the fourth and last of his downward spiraling  marital communication aveirahs, 90% of the time the husband) a marital crime, often coupled with festering, an issue dorita. Ironically the one being stonewalled might speak up  more or louder to try to he heard. Outsiders see that and castigate him/her for doing so. The stonewallers offence isn't obvious to outsiders. Passive aggressive.  

    From the outside diversity might look like pirud.

    The various elements in diversity however, have a common goal. So the parts of  the body get along. In pirud though, the various elements each have their own goal so there's pirud.

    Interesting that Yosef"s dream involvex wheat=food and later on the brothers came to  hom for food. 

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Chassidus: Torah Ohr V'hinei Anachnu Mi'almim #5

Rabbi YY Jacobson

  • December 13, 2019
  • |
  • 15 Kislev 5780
  • |

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