Picture of the author
Picture of the author
War bannerWar banner

Why Connected Parenting Isn’t “Woke”

Are We Destroying Our Children and Creating Weak and Entitled Kids?

1 hr 31 min

Class Summary:

Rabbi & Raizel Schusterman interview Rabbi YY Jacobson in a powerful conversation. They discuss the importance of staying connected with your children through parenting.

In this episode, they explore the difference between woke liberalism’s approach to parenting and Chassidus approach and how to differentiate between the two. They also delve into the significance of choosing connection over behavior when dealing with challenges with our loved ones Throughout the conversation, Rabbi Jacobson provides insights into the spiritual teachings of Chassidus and how they can be applied to modern parenting. He explains why connected parenting is not "woke" but instead, the essence of Chassidus. Additionally, he sheds light on how some of the new approaches to parenting are rooted in the ancient teachings of the Baal Shem Tov.

If you are curious to learn more about Chassidus and its relevance to relationships , this episode is a must-listen. To set up your free consultation with Raizel schusterman you can reach out through her website www.apositivecoach.com A positive podcast is powered by OKclarity.com. OKclarity.com is THE place for any Jew - no matter how religious you are - to find a top notch therapist, psychiatrist, coach, or nutritionist. And its completely free! OKCLARITY.com’s professionals are vetted and have extensive experience working with the Jewish community. If you’re in the market for a therapist, Coach, nutritionist, psychiatrist or the like - or if you ARE a therapist, coach, psychiatric medication provider or nutritionist, you must go check them out at OKclarity.com.

To get their other podcasts and content go to A Positive Podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify

Please leave your comment below!

  • C

    Chana -1 year ago

    This was AMAZING! I totally agree that the proof is in the pudding. When I went with my son to a sports event, I felt holier than on Yom Kippur! Doing something so 100% for Hashem was a zechus! Yishar Koach! 

    Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

    • YYJ

      Yosef Yitzchak Jacobson -1 year ago

      Thanks, I agree!

      Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

  • AA

    Ada Apfelbaum -1 year ago

    Fabulous

    Thank you, fabulous shiur. I wish I'd had these tools when my kids were younger.

    Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

    • YYJ

      Yosef Yitzchak Jacobson -1 year ago

      Yes, we are all learning new things every day. But perhaps it is not too late to still connect in a deep way!

      Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

  • DL

    Dr. L. -1 year ago

    Hello R. YY, From a parent’s perspective, this is a wonderful class to help us keep perspective when facing the difficult job of raising children and keeping attachment throughout our family.  From an attorney's perspective (trained to catch even expert witnesses who demonstrate limits to their credibility) I found at least two statements a bit problematic.  1) I have a lot of respect for you and particularly, I think that you are generally "cautious in judgement", but I feel like your statement, "I just don't have judgementalism inside of me" sounds dangerously self-assured. 2) I was bothered by your statement, "give me a yiddishkeity that is purged from corruption... a leadership that is completely completely clueless and detached ..." Law offices have software that flags hyperbolic, repetitive language and warns that such a statement is unlikely to be literally true. Such language is often a sign of subjectivity and strong emotions that can cause even reliable experts to make unfounded poorly thought-out statements.  Literally, the above statement implies that that our children are asking for and would accept clueless detached leaders as long as they aren’t “completely completely... detached.” It appears that you really wanted to say that are children are asking for are Jewish leaders that are highly sensitive and completely completely attached. As a hunch, if I was looking to trip you up in cross examination, I would guess that you are angry at certain Jewish leaders and have fallen into careless generalities and judgementalism. I would guess that a good lawyer (or a clever Yetzer Harah) could exploit that and bring you to serious mistakes. Be careful! Do you really intend to condemn all the leadership of the Jewish people? Do you really believe, want to imply, that “they” are totally clueless and “you” are absolutely correct? Could your anger and judgementalism push people away from an albeit imperfect Judaism to even worse places? I heard in this podcast from a very wise Rabbi named YY Jacobson, “Real people are always open to growth ... this is not about we go into a place, Oh, we’re loving and we judge the rest of the world that’s not so loving” You made a lot of really wise statements in this video. Why did you choose this prima facie angry alienating statement for the trailer of the video? I say this with trepidation, but I am left with a fear that the famous rabbi YY, who I truly respect, is falling into anger that is blinding him to his own limitations and biases.

    Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

    • HC

      Heimishe Chosid -1 year ago

      Please understand that R'YY is really a mouthpiece to many people that already have "extremely" (no pun intended), frustrated with the system, yes, the system. Especially, people that grew up with leaders of previous generations! I can assure you that there are many hurting people that grew up with previous rebbes and have to PUT UP with cluelessness! I'm relatively young, but I have a strong brain and a thinking one too (BH!), and can come up with the exact verbiage of frustration shown by YY. Is it possible for him to tone done? Maybe... But understand that he hears from hundreds or more that need to keep their mouths shut due to frum ideas, which is not "always", Torah and definitely not the way the besht taught us! It's extremely frustrating and before berating YY, you should think twice. Question: did you, as a lawyer, attempt to address the problems that we can all agree upon, that are problematic? Maybe, perfect yourself before trying to push blame on real people, where "real" people are listening and being comforted by his message that they SO strongly and passionately would love their leaders to hear.

      Frustrated personally (not necessarily because they hurt me or another), but because I feel angry at the leaders that took their leaders away from us/me!!! If you can understand my point!

      please refute my arguments to show me PLEASE that were not going down a rabbit hole!

      Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

      • DL

        Dr. L. -1 year ago

        You are correct. 

        1) Strong emotions may be proper/necessary when talking to people who themselves are strongly emotional and especially if their emotion is a result of traumatic experiences. 

        2) R. YY definitely deserves support and respect in his dedicated work to help those who are suffering and fix that which is broken. He especially deserves respect for continuing even in the face of strong and painful opposition and I believe that he has shown great integrity focusing on the positive even when exposed to so much negativity. 

        3) Probably some of my caustic tone comes from jealousy. I have always wanted to have the integrity and dedication to stand up and make a difference even when it requires personal risk and sacrifice (for example, rather than hiding behind anonymous emails). I believe that R. YY personifies this.  

        I still recommend great care. When struggling under exposure to adversity there is a strong pull to disregard or denigrate even legitimate opposition. 

        R. YY said in the video, the Rebbe made space for people from secular backgrounds or even criminals languishing in prison even those who made grave errors or committed serious iniquities. We can also make space for people in our own families and communities with whom we have even serious issues. I believe this also applies those who have the title Rabbi or Rosh Yeshiva.

        I have great admiration for R. YY and wish him and you continued success.

        Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

        • HC

          Heimishe Chosid -1 year ago

          I have great admiration for people like you that can look at things objectively and even compassionately to all parties. The fact that we need to makes space for our leaders (Rebbes and Roshei Yeshiva), is nebech a hurtful reality that wasn't "so" applicable in the yesteryear! I just don't remember parents and educators needing to put down others despite the fact there were "strong" oppositions and opinions. It was about opinions in my days that took priority, way over any debate on authenticity or brokenness. Even with extreme and the more closed communities, people from the outside understood that there was integrity, etc... Just some thoughts and the ringing truth behind them are in place. Satmar Rov (R' Yoel), showed what many called the only correct path while others disagreed. However, everyone was envious and respected his piety and understood that he didn't try to score any points and meant totally Lashem Shamaim. He would give money to help people that were zionists (think about giving money and supporting wayward children)! Look how the Bobover Rebbe has warned in those times of strife (caused by opinions), that whoever fights to protect for his kovod, he's not moichil not in this nor the next world (a shuddering statement for the sake of Shalom). Think about those apposing other gedolei Yisroel, yet keeping it "totally" non personal and really for Hashem's name. You'll try to catch me right there and ask "well, isn't this the situation today? Everyone meaning for Hashem's sake and nothing personal?"! With reservations I need to ask, why then is there so much strife and animosity amongst the gedolim that peace among there only -brothers, nephews/uncles-, has become a mute issue? How to expect truthfulness, compassion, ahavas Yisroel, shmiras hatorah (bmesiras nefesh) from there constituents while there's no peace and show of character from the leaders? How tactical is it when pinning yideshkeit on individual subject; not in holistic terms (the wholesomeness of Yiddishkeit)? When placing so much effort to extinguish ills in the community in a piecemeal process (and yes, there are a lot and it rightfully needs to be done), rather than in a whole (thing western medicine vs holistic lehavdil)? I don't need to go into examples because I believe it's self understood.

          Just a note, that I didn't single out these Tzadikkim for bias: it was just an example. Also, I do realize I might've came across a bit confrontational but things have gone above the gvil and borders of normalcy! I'm shuddering at the "possibility, and hope that this never happens), but we're inching closer to: adherence issues or becoming robotic in yideshkeit. On the latter, Hashem doesn't want robots , going through a list of what they need to do and not use the matatah of sechel! Hashem doesn't want "even" malochim amongst us, and definitely not a robotic, follow the crown Yiddishkeit "only" (emphasis). All chasidishe sefarim and mussar talk about shleimus haadom and -maalas haadom, in many writings-!

          When a takanah is made in a kehila or kehilos, it's very important to understand when "the majority of the tzibur cannot comply; like chazal tell us becomes applicable!". When the Yetzer doesn't sleep and we're in big trouble "even" TELEPHONES, as was well and correctly warned by Skver on AI platforms that may become a problem for text and even regular phones! Are we going to assur phones eventually? I strongly assume not: we will need to flood the community with messages of emunah and self building of yiras shomaim, which I'm afraid will be difficult to do because we "might" have been accustomed by learned behaviour to be robotic and not being thoughtful! That's where I'm coming from and where many visionaries are fearful of this phenomenon, including R' YY!

          All the best. Hoping for yeshuas Hashem.

          Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

  • DL

    Dr. L. -1 year ago

    Hello R. YY,

    I love your message. I think that it is the message of traditional Jewish wisdom.

    Decades ago, when I was a new father, I saw the son of my rav OBM teaching his son (my rav's grandson) to read properly. The father was demanding extreme discipline from the little boy. I was shocked and impressed how the little boy learned to concentrate.

    Later I asked my rav (a very traditional but caring Rosh Yeshiva who was often accused of being too traditional for the new world), "Is this the right way to train a child". He said to me "Don't you try it." Which I was made to understand meant, "If your attachment to your child is absolute and unblemished, you can demand, for his good, absolute discepline, and he will thrive. On the other hand, in your case where your child may not trust you 100% and especially becuase you may be partially motivated by self interest (nachat from my son the Rabbi ), don't YOU try it, you could easily destroy your son."

    Even more so, Rabbi YY, you have taught me,that  by giving up my fantasy family, my son has the space to truly grow and be great (even if his father is imperfect). 

    This was very wise advice and your classes help \to actualize this.

    Thanks

    Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

  • Anonymous -1 year ago

    She intertwines her fingers so it's hard to take her seriously.

    Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

    • J

      jared -1 year ago

      She is an incredible coach and a wise woman. I fail to understand your point.

      Reply to this comment.Flag this comment.

Rabbi YY on "A Positive Podcast"

Rabbi YY Jacobson

  • April 20, 2023
  • |
  • 29 Nisan 5783
  • |
  • 2353 views

Related Classes

Please help us continue our work
Sign up to receive latest content by Rabbi YY

Join our WhatsApp Community

Join our WhatsApp Community

Ways to get content by Rabbi YY Jacobson
Connect now
Picture of the authorPicture of the author