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Some Parts of Your Sin Need to Be Embraced

Identifying the Holiness of Your Addictions

Class Summary:

This class was presented on Parshas Ki Savo, 18 Elul, 5779, September 18, 2019 at the Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, NY 

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  • M

    Moshe -4 years ago

    From the description of koach hamisaveh that emerged from the maamar this morning, one might
    imagine that if we go back to the koach hamisaveh then we are going back to a beautiful and romantic
    place where there is a deep and profound yearning for love and attachment. Yes, of course there is
    some pain, sadness and tears in that place, but in a way, it sounds almost quaint and charming. The
    koach hamisaveh is just a hop, skip and a jump away from the addiction, so why not just go to the koach
    hamisaveh instead.
    In reality however, the real truth of this maamar is that the koach hamisaveh is a place of searing, brutal
    and unimaginable traumatic pain. The place of our deepest yearnings must be the place where the
    unreality of non-existence becomes a reality. In my koach hamisaveh I confront my deepest desires and
    therefore my deepest reality – I am alone and separate from Ein Sof. And what could possibly be more
    painful and traumatic than separation from Existence? Koach hamisaveh is the deepest and most honest
    place of my desires and in the core of that place I need to fully and honestly acknowledge who I am and
    who I am not. The cravings and yearnings in that place are pure, unadulterated and raw, and therefore
    so are the emotions. There is nowhere to hide and no ability to deny or lie.
    But it gets worse, because in that place of pure desire, where the past and the future need to be faced
    without any protection, I need to face the reality that there may actually be no solution to my pain.
    What’s the “solution” to the past? How do I “solve” all the pain and damage that I’ve caused to myself
    and others? How do I “solve” years and years of living with a vast distance between myself and what I
    deeply value? How do I “solve” the fact that I’ve allowed countless opportunities to slip away –
    opportunities that will never come back? How do I “solve” the relationships that I’ve irreparably
    damaged – sometimes with people who are no longer alive? How do I “solve” all of the destruction and
    devastation that I’ve created in my universe? If I fully and honestly confront my deepest yearnings, then
    I must also fully and honestly confront the reality that the past may have no “solution”.
    And what’s the “solution” for the future? Has not the accumulation of all the lost opportunities and
    failures of the past combined to forever limit who and what I can become? How do I “solve” dreams that
    have been utterly shattered forever? If I fully and honestly confront my deepest yearnings, then I must
    also fully and honestly confront the reality that the future may have no “solution”.
    Fully engaging with the koach hamisaveh within the context of a world of past and future means sitting
    inside a reality that has no solution. It may seem like the addict is choosing a poor solution and needs to
    find a better solution. But what if the addict is choosing the only solution.
    Teshuva is the “solution” for a reality with no solution. When I can touch my deepest awareness and
    transcend the frantic finite movement of ratza v’shov then I can touch the Infinite and watch as past and
    future melt into a timeless present. Teshuva is not a solution. Rather, teshuva takes me to a place that
    transcends solution, where solution is not necessary, even irrelevant. Teshuva allows me to become one
    with my koach hamisaveh and to rest inside the enormous pain that arises organically from the place of
    my deepest and truest desires.
    But since teshuva does not allow for a solution, all that’s left for me to do is cry. Teshuva brings me to
    tears. In teshuva I cry – loudly and deeply. But from that timeless place of teshuva, I no longer cry over
    unresolvable regrets about the past. Nor do I cry over shattered dreams of my future. Rather, from that
    deep and timeless awareness of self and Infinity, from that place of teshuva, I experience all of my pain
    – past, present and future – as the pain of a deep and timeless disconnection from Ein Sof. It’s from that
    place of timeless pain that I cry. And in that cry, with those tears, I find my deepest and most timeless
    connection to Ein Sof.

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  • H

    hindel -4 years ago

    So rich

    As rich as it gets.

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  • M

    Moshe -4 years ago

    The yetzer hora is like the zona

    Who is loyal to  and works for the king. She tries hard to trap the  prince but really wants him to succeed and pass. The prince doesn't know this, i.e. that she is loyal to the king, just doing her job, and is like a spy. 

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  • M

    Moshe -4 years ago

    The power behind an aveirah is itself neutral and can be utilized for good

    Like Resh Lekesh.

    "Your koach should be for good" he was told by his future brother in law when he was still a gangster 

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Chassidus: Likkutei Torah Rosh Hashanah - Mi Keil Kamocha #6

Rabbi YY Jacobson

  • September 18, 2019
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  • 18 Elul 5779
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  • 825 views

Dedicated by Miriam Leeba Spiro

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