This women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday Parshas Chayei Sarah, 21&nbsp;Cheshvon, 5780, November 19, 2019 at the Ohr Chaim Shul, Monsey, NY&nbsp;

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21_7230_rabbi_yy_jacobson_womens_chayei_sarah_class.8c49.mp3

rebecca

marriage

kindness

eliezer

love

chesed

seret vishnitzer rebbe

camels

machatzis hashekel

rivkah

half shekel

rivka

skulener rebbe

What It Takes to be the Mother of the Jewish People

Women's Chayei Sarah Class

The Psychological Test of Rebecca

This weekly women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday, Parshas Chayei Sarah, 20 Cheshvan, 5782, October 26, 2021, live at Bais Medrash Ohr Chaim in Monsey, NY.

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21_8282_women_class_chayei_sarah_5782.f276.mp3

avraham avinu

yitzchok

yishmael

islam

hagar

keturah

Did Avraham Love Yishmael? The Jewish Calling to Change the World

Chayei Sarah Women's Class

The Abraham Accords: A Biblical Perspective

Eliezer was sent by Abraham to Charan (modern day north-Syria) to bring back a wife for his only son Isaac. In this monumental marriage, the first Jewish shidduch, the entire Jewish future lay. Eliezer is given only one requirement: The girl must be a relative of Abraham. It is here that Eliezer is torn, because he too has a daughter, and as Abraham&rsquo;s faithful and devoted servant, he can dream of nothing greater than Isaac becoming his son-in-law.

But Eliezer is not a relative of Abraham; on the contrary he is a descendant of Canaan, the son that Noah who was cursed. However hope is not lost. Abraham tells Eliezer that if the girl in Charan refuses to return to Israel, the condition is off, he is not responsible to fulfill his oath and bring a girl from Charan.&quot;

Thus, it is with mixed emotions that Eliezer embarks on his mission. His profound devotion to Abraham wants him to succeed, but his own selfish hopes for his daughter undermine his mission. Yet, unlike Lot, Eliezer overcomes his inner inhibitions and succeeds in the mission placed upon him. Whereas Lot became paralyzed and had to be dragged out of Sodom, Eliezer smoothly and confidently succeeds remarkably well. It is clear that unlike Lot, Eliezer has resolved his own ambivalence and overcame his inner inhibitions. How?

We learned last week about the ambivalence and deep psychological conflict expressed by the cantorial shalsheles note. There is a shalsheles in Vayeira, and now there is another one in Chayei Sarah. In Vayeira, the torn character, the owner of the shalsheles, was Lot, in Chayei Sarah it is Eliezer, the servant of Abraham.

A powerful Chassidic insight teaches us the key to this type of self-transcendence. It also allows us to discover the patterns of psychoanalysis so prevalent in the book of Genesis.

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chayeisarah5771.360p.mp4

chayeisarah5771.mp3

shalsheles

issac

chayei sarah

subconscious

honesty

psychoanalysis

Discover Your Hidden Agendas But Don't Despair

Chayei Sarah Class

Psychoanalysis and the Torah

This class was&nbsp;presented by Rabbi YY Jacobson on Monday, Parshas Chayei Sarah, 19 Cheshvan, 5782, October 25, 2021, live from his home in Monsey, NY.

It is a text-based class on Likkutei Sichos Chayei Sarah volume 1, an address by the Lubavitcher Rebbe presented on Shabbos Chayei Sarah, 24 Cheshvan, 5711, November 4, 1950.

The Zohar teaches that Avraham and Sarah represent the soul and the body. How then does Hashem instruct Avraham to listen to all that Sarah tells him? Should the soul really take all its cues from the body?

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22_likkutei_sichos_vol_1_chayei_sarah_full.e16b.pdf

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21_8244_likkutei_sichos_vol_1_chayei_sara_1.1317.mp3

donkey

avraham and sarah

body and soul

If Sarah Is the Body, Why Did Hashem Tell Avraham to Listen to Everything Sarah Says?

Likkutei Sichos Chayei Sarah #1

Judaism was Meant to be Experienced in the Body

This class was presented by Rabbi YY Jacobson on Thursday, Parshas Chayei Sarah, 22 Cheshvan, 5782, October 28, 2021, live from his home in Monsey, NY.

It is a text-based class on Likkutei Sichos Chayei Sarah volume 1, an address by the Lubavitcher Rebbe presented on Shabbos Chayei Sarah, 24 Cheshvan, 5711, November 4, 1950.

The Zohar teaches that Avraham and Sarah represent the soul and the body. How then does Hashem instruct Avraham to listen to all that Sarah tells him? Should the soul really take all its cues from the body?

8284_judaism_was_meant_to_be_experienced_in_the_body__1_.cef6.png

22_likkutei_sichos_vol_1_chayei_sarah_full.64f6.pdf

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21_8284_likkutei_sichos_vol_1_chayei_sarah_2.a3d2.mp3

reb nachum of chernobyl

Authentic Judaism is the One that Lives in the Body

Likkutei Sichos Chayei Sarah #2

In Geulah Consciousness, Listen to Everything the Body Tells You

Relationships in Five Dimensions:&nbsp;The Talmud derives the legal mechanism of a Jewish marriage from the legal process in which Abraham purchased a burial plot for his wife Sarah. This seems strange.

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22_ac_chayei_sarah.pdf

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ChayaSarah5770.mp3

relationships

avraham sarah

burial

cave of machpalah

The Talmud Derives the Legal Mechanism of a Jewish Marriage From the Legal Process in Which Abraham Purchased a Burial Plot for His Wife Sarah. This Seems Strange.

Class Chayei Sarah/ki Seitzei

Relationships in Five Dimensions

You know the story about Winston Churchill. As Savior of the free world, he felt entitled to grab a nap in the House of Commons. When a fellow Parliament member approached him and said, &ldquo;Must you fall asleep when I am speaking?&rdquo; Churchill answered, &ldquo;No, it is purely voluntary.&rdquo;

Says the Midrash: Once, as Rabbi Akiva taught a class, he noticed that his students began falling asleep. He wished to awaken them. Rabbi Akiva interrupted his lecture and said: Why did Esther reign over 127 provinces? Because Esther was a descendant of Sarah who lived for 127 years. Let the granddaughter of Sarah, who lived for 127 years, come and reign over 127 countries.

This is a strange story. It evokes many questions. Among them: What is the connection of Sarah&rsquo;s 127 years to Esther&rsquo;s queenship over 127 provinces? And why did Rabbi Akiva choose this insight&mdash;from all the ideas he could have shared&mdash;as the way of waking up his audience?

This women&#39;s class was presented on Tuesday Parshas Chayei Sarah, 23&nbsp;Cheshvan, 5781, November&nbsp;10, 2020, live from Rabbi Jacobson&#39;s home in Monsey, NY&nbsp;

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life's challenges

sarah

mendel futerfas

queen esther

tightrope

sleeping

time

reb akiva

How Sarah and Esther Walked the Tightrope of Life

How Do You Wake up Your Students from Sleep?

The first act of marriage recorded in the Torah is the one between Isaac and Rebecca. It is also the first time the Torah tells of the love between a man and a woman. &ldquo;And Isaac took Rebecca, she became his wife, and he loved her.&rdquo; Unlike the others loves in the Bible, this one happens only after their marriage.

What is the meaning in all of this?

Talmud states that Abraham instituted shacharis, the morning prayer; Isaac instituted the afternoon prayer, mincha; and Jacob instituted the evening prayer, maariv. Why do we pray in Judaism three times a day? The three prayers capture the three dimensions of Jewish existence, three modes of our relationship with life and with G-d. They also reflect three different types of marriages. What our culture needs most today is the &ldquo;mincha&rdquo; marriage, the secret of Isaac.

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yitzchak

isaac

shacharis

marriage avos

mincha

marriage patriarchs

maariv

Abraham, Isaac and Jacob: The Morning, Dusk, and Night of Judaism

Essay Chayei Sarah

What Comes First: Love or Marriage?

Last Wishes

A woman in Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final plans. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. 
 
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over the shopping mall. 
 
"Why the shopping mall?" asked the rabbi. 
 
"That way I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week," the mother responded.

Two Ways to Live

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway.—Steven Coallier

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.—Albert Einstein

An Enigmatic Verse

A&nbsp;moving verse in this week's Torah portion, Chayei Sarah, reads:<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_edn1" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref1')">[1]</a> "Abraham&nbsp;was old, he came in days, and G-d had blessed Abraham with everything."

What is the meaning of this expression that Abraham "came in days?" Most biblical commentators<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_edn2" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref2')">[2]</a> explain it simply that Abraham had advanced in years; that he had grown much older.

Yet, if this is accurate, the verse is redundant. Once the Torah stated "Abraham was old," there is no need to say that he was advanced in years.<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_edn3" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref3')">[3]</a> This would be inconsistent with the meticulousness of every verse, word, and even letter of the Torah.

How Many Times Do You Get Old?

Another difficulty arises when carefully studying Genesis. Several chapters earlier, the Torah states<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_edn4" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref4')">[4]</a> that "Abraham and Sarah were old, they came in days; the manner of women had ceased to be with Sarah."

This verse describes Abraham and Sarah at the ages of 99 and 89, respectively, one year before their son Isaac was born. Their description as two elderly people seems fair. 
 
Our verse&nbsp;however—“Abraham was old, he came in days”—describes Abraham living 41 years later, after the death of his wife Sarah at the age of 127 and right before the marriage of his son Isaac, who married at the age of 40. Why would the Torah suddenly now state that "Abraham was old" again, 41 years later?<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_edn5" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref5')">[5]</a>

If you write about an 80-year-old man that "he is old," would you write again 40 years later, "he is an old man?" Isn't it quite obvious that he is still an old man? Would anyone think that he has become younger over these forty years?&nbsp;

And in the earlier verse as well, the Torah uses this&nbsp; redundant expression: "Abraham and Sarah were old, they came in days." Once you have stated that Abraham and Sarah were old, you have already stated that they had advanced in their years?

Allowing Life to Touch You

The Hebrew expression used for "they came in days" is "baeim bayamim." A literal translation would read, "They came into the days." 
 
Perhaps, then, we ought to interpret the words "they came into the days" in the simplest&nbsp;way possible: that Abraham and Sarah entered inside their days, allowing the days and its experiences to encompass them completely and touch the texture of their very being.

Abraham and Sarah lived an immersive life; they were fully immersed in each and every day. 
 
Many of us are frightened to enter into our lives and live it fully, with the complete presence of mind, heart, and body, with unbridled passion and zest. We do not trust life enough to let it possess us. Perhaps part of our limbic brain is frozen and we cannot fully show up to life, it is too scary.&nbsp;Life holds too much pain, too many disappointments, so&nbsp;much shame, anger, and guilt;&nbsp;we would rather let our days pass by us from a distance so that&nbsp;we remain safe. We observe our days moving along, but we remain emotionally distant; are too timid to become one with them, to be fully engulfed&nbsp;by them. 
 
Yet, Abraham and Sarah, the Torah&nbsp;says, personified a different model:&nbsp;"They came into the days;" they fully entered into their days. They allowed themselves to be wrapped by life. All their days were explored, actualized, and lived to the fullest. They valued, celebrated, and maximized every day. 
 
Abraham and Sarah had been through quite a life together! They enjoyed tremendous blessings and victories, as well as profound pain and disappointment. Sarah and Abraham waited for most of their life for a child; Sarah was abducted twice by powerful monarchs; Abraham and Sarah journeyed alone on a journey that required them to stand up to a Pagan world. Yet throughout all of it -- the positive as well as the challenging, the joyous as well as the painful -- they allowed themselves to experience the pulse of life in its totality. They were present throughout and did not retreat into the cocoon of safe detachment. They "entered" inside each day and stared at its existence with an unwavering gaze and mighty courage.<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_edn6" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref6')">[6]</a>

Sure, it is safer to enter into your life halfway, to create a border between yourself and your experiences. No sorrow, no pain, no tears. But that may come at the cost of LIVING, and deprives you of a life filled with exuberance, laughter, passion, and wholesomeness. Abraham and Sarah, in a sense, retained the innocence of children. Did you ever observe children? They dislike fragmentation. They enter into something completely -- with their entire sense of curiosity, trust, presence of mind, and emotional vulnerability. 
 
It has been said that there are three types of people: Those who make things happen; those who watch things happen, and those whom you have to tell that something happened...

People who live an immersive life never experience two similar days. Every day brings up a new awareness, a new challenge, a new opportunity, a new task, a new layer of reality. When I show up fully to live, every day is a new journey, a calling to take on the unique mission of this day, which may be very different than my task yesterday.&nbsp;

When Life Became&nbsp;Rough

Now we will understand why, 41 years later, the Torah finds it necessary to repeat the exact same description about the first Jew: "Abraham was old, he came into the days." 
 
No doubt during this period of time, Abraham experienced the most profound and most turbulent moments of his entire life. After waiting for decades, he was finally blessed with a child, Isaac, who would carry on the monotheistic revolution he had begun.

And during this period, Abraham watched himself about to slaughter his son. It was only at the last moment that G-d told him to take his hands off the lad and let him live. What does such an event do to a father? 
 
Finally, during these years, the person who was there with him through thick and thin, his life's partner, passed away. Sarah has walked along with Abraham for close to a century, their lives merged into perfect oneness. Her death must have been an unimaginable loss to &nbsp;Abraham. <a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_edn7" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref7')">[7]</a>&nbsp;One would think that at this point Abraham would have developed some detachment skills to protect himself against any further pain and anguish. 
 
We often observe how after years of experiencing life with all its pressures and struggles, people develop a certain indifference and apathy. They have simply been through too much to subject themselves to the vulnerable vicissitudes of life. They detach.&nbsp; 
 
So the Torah informs us that Abraham's courage lasted him till the very end. "Abraham was old, he came into the days." Even as a widower, Abraham did not detach from life. He breathed it in, with all of its majesty, drama, joy, and pain. On the lines of his face and the streaks of his soul, he carried a reminder of every encounter, every relationship, and every experience. That is what we call truly living: acquiring the courage to become one with life, to feel it, love it, and possess it.

Abraham believed that cynicism and detachment are the easy retreats of a small mind. Till his last breath, the founder of the Jewish faith awoke each morning and said, "I will live my life today to the fullest; my heart and soul will immerse themselves fully in the journey of life today and I will maximize the unique mission give to me for this day." 
 
When you live in such a fashion, as the verse, continues, you are blessed. As Abraham Lincoln put it: “In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” Or as Grace Hansen said: "Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."&nbsp;<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_edn8" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref8')">[8]</a>

(Please make even a small and secure contribution to help us continue our work. <a href="https://secure.theyeshiva.net/Donate">Click here</a>.)&nbsp;

____________________

<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_ednref1" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn1')">[1]</a> Genesis 24:1.&nbsp;

<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_ednref2" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn2')">[2]</a> See references noted in footnote No. 3.

<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_ednref3" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn3')">[3]</a> See Ibn Ezra to Genesis 18:11; Radak ibid. and to Genesis 24:1; Ramban Genesis 18:1. These classical commentators explain that the Torah's expression that Abraham "came in days," implies that Abraham was now extremely old. He was not merely old, but very very old. Yet two difficulties remain: 1) The identical expression is found in the Tanach concerning King David (Kings 1 1:1) when he was merely 69 years of age!&nbsp;2) The same expression is used in the Torah&nbsp;concerning Sarah when she was at 90 years of age (Genesis 18:11), which in that era was not considered being extremely old (Cf. Likkutei Sichos vol. 35 p. 90). These questions suggest that there may be a deeper meaning in this expression, as will be explained below.

<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_ednref4" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn4')">[4]</a> Genesis 18:1.

<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_ednref5" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn5')">[5]</a> This question is posed by Bereishis Rabah 48:16; Ramban and Klei Yakar to Genesis 24:1. Each of these commentaries presents its own solution to the dilemma. See, however, Likkutei Sichos vol. 35 pp. 89-90, how all of these explanations cannot account for Rashi's perspective on the dilemma.

<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_ednref6" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn6')">[6]</a> This would also explain the term by King David, though he was only 69 at the time. When you read his book of Psalms, you notice how present David was in life. Every encounter and experience touched him. He took it in and became one with it. King David took on life, and never ran&nbsp;from it.

<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_ednref7" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn7')">[7]</a> See the explanation of Rabbi S.R. Hirsh in the beginning of the portion why the letter chaf in the word “velevkosah” (to weep for her, for Sarah) is written small in the Torah scroll. For the visible tears of Abraham were only a small fragment of the depth of his pain over her loss.

<a href="javascript: void(0);" id="_ednref8" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn8')">[8]</a> On a final note, I want to share something with you I have only recently realized.&nbsp;This essay you have just read is based on an address I was privileged to hear from the Lubavitcher Rebbe 34&nbsp;years ago, on Shabbos portion Chayei Sarah 5748, Nov. 14, 1987 (Published partially in Likkutei Sichos vol. 35 pp. 89-92.)

Only recently did I realize that the Rebbe delivered this address about Abraham a short time before his own life partner, Rebbetzin Chayah Mushkah Schneerson, passed away, on 22 Shevat 5748, Feb. 10, 1988, at the age of 87. They married in 1928 in Warsaw and were together for 59 years. Her passing affected the Rebbe profoundly.

Was the Rebbe perhaps describing what would become a personal dilemma?&nbsp;

Here is a story. When the wife of the third Lubavitcher Rebbe, the Tzemach Tzedek, Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Lubavitch (1789-1866) died in 1861, the Rebbe quoted the Zoharic statement, “A king without a queen is no king.” The Rebbe explained that the queen, the feminine attribute of Malchut, was the link between the masculine attributes of G-dliness and the reality of the universe. Without the presence of Malchut, these attributes retreated into their own transcendental space. Indeed, the story goes, the Rebbe, the Tzemach Tzedek, to a degree, retreated from his intimate involvement with the world around him.

In Genesis,&nbsp;the Torah states&nbsp;that &quot;Abraham and Sarah were old, they came in days; the manner of women had ceased to be with Sarah.&quot;&nbsp;The&nbsp;verse describes Abraham and Sarah at the ages of 99 and 89, respectively, one year before their son Isaac was born. Their description as two elderly people seems fair. 
 
Yet, a few chapters later, the Torah states: &quot;Abraham was old, he came in days&rdquo;&mdash;describes Abraham living 41 years later, after the death of his wife Sarah at the age of 127 and right before the marriage of his son Isaac, who married at the age of 40. Why would the Torah suddenly now state that &quot;Abraham was old&quot; again, 41 years later?

5393_celebrating_life.f6cb.jpg

seize the day

The Courage to Touch the Pulse of Life

Chayei Sarah Essay

Are You Afraid to Live?

Israeli “Serenity”&nbsp;
An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel.&nbsp;
As the taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see the&nbsp;driver drive straight through without even slowing down.&nbsp; Surprised as he&nbsp;was, he didn't say anything, feeling himself a 'guest' and not wanting to&nbsp;make waves.&nbsp;
The trip continued without event until the next intersection.&nbsp;
This time the light was green and, to the American's dismay, the cab&nbsp;driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt.&nbsp;
Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver.&nbsp; "Listen", he&nbsp;says, "When you went through the red light, I didn't say anything.&nbsp; But&nbsp;why on earth are you stopping at a&nbsp;green light?"&nbsp; The Israeli driver looks&nbsp;at the American as if he was deranged.&nbsp; "Are you crazy?!" he shouts.&nbsp; "The&nbsp;other guy has a red light!&nbsp; Do you want to get us killed?!"&nbsp;
Twelve Princes&nbsp;&nbsp;
It would not be a bad idea for contemporary descendants of Ishmael&nbsp;– and for all of us --&nbsp;to reflect on the individual names of Ishmael's 12 sons, who all became princes and fathers of Ishmaelite nations.&nbsp;
"These are the names of Ishmael's sons in order of their birth," records the Torah in this week's portion, Chayei Sarah, and it goes on to list them in three groups&nbsp;and in three separate verses<a id="_edn1" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref1')">[1]</a>:&nbsp;
"Ishmael's firstborn&nbsp;was&nbsp;Nebayoth,&nbsp;Kedar,&nbsp;Adbiel,&nbsp;Mibsam." Then is the second group of sons:&nbsp;Mishma,&nbsp;Dumah&nbsp;and Massa. Finally, the Torah lists the last five&nbsp;sons:&nbsp;Chadad,&nbsp;Tema,&nbsp;Yetur,&nbsp;Nafish&nbsp;and&nbsp;Kedmah.&nbsp;
The&nbsp;Torah&nbsp;then relates where they&nbsp;lived&nbsp;in the Middle East. It concludes its account&nbsp;– and the entire portion --&nbsp;by stating these ambiguous words: "They fell in the presence of all their brethren<a id="_edn2" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref2')">[2]</a>."&nbsp;&nbsp;
What’s the&nbsp;Relevance?&nbsp;&nbsp;
What is this episode telling us? Is it a mere incidental detail? The Torah does not include mere incidental details. We have no idea, for example, what Abraham,&nbsp;Sarah,&nbsp;Isaac or&nbsp;Ishamel&nbsp;looked like.&nbsp;Though the Bible records many genealogical and historical facts, it is&nbsp;fundamentally&nbsp;not a book of history or genealogy, but as its very name “Torah” indicates,&nbsp;it is a book of instruction,&nbsp;a blueprint for human life.&nbsp;
The&nbsp;record of Ishmael's family members, then,&nbsp;is not merely a record of dry genealogical facts.&nbsp;Rather, like&nbsp;every sentence and word recorded in the Torah,&nbsp;it&nbsp;is part of a roadmap for our lives journeys.&nbsp;&nbsp;
But what is the relevance of the 12 ancient names of Ishmael's children? And why did Ishmael give his sons these particular names?&nbsp;
One more question: Why does the Torah divide the 12 names into three distinct uneven groups: a group of four, a group of three and a group of five?&nbsp;&nbsp;
The First Twelve-Step Program&nbsp;&nbsp;
The writings of Jewish mysticism explain that these names represent Ishmael's 12-step program toward living a healthy and well-balanced life.&nbsp;His guide to&nbsp;good&nbsp;living covers the three primary components of life: health, relationships and&nbsp;work.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol>
<li>&nbsp;Health&nbsp;&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
The first group of Ishmael's sons, comprised of four names, represents his four-step guide towards good health.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol>
<li>&nbsp;Nebayoth&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
Nebayoth&nbsp;in Hebrew means hollowness<a id="_edn3" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref3')">[3]</a>. This indicates the need to maintain a body that is hollow and clean from trash&nbsp;and substances detrimental to the human organism. The body is not a garbage can. The body must remain “hollow,” free and light, translucent and filled with alacrity&nbsp;and energy.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol start="2">
<li>&nbsp;Kedar&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
The meaning of the Hebrew word&nbsp;Kedar&nbsp;is warmth or heat<a id="_edn4" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref4')">[4]</a>. This represents the need to exercise regularly, maintaining a warm body temperature and good blood circulation.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol start="3">
<li>&nbsp;Adbiel&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
The meaning of this name is "do not overeat<a id="_edn5" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref5')">[5]</a>." Even if you are eating nutritious foods, you should consume only the amounts that are needed for your health.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol start="4">
<li>&nbsp;Mibsam&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
The Hebrew translation of&nbsp;Mibsam&nbsp;is spice. In addition to good eating habits and regular exercising, one should add some "spice"&nbsp;and “seasoning”&nbsp;to&nbsp;his or her bodily life, enriching its&nbsp;existence and giving it pizzazz. This is achieved through fine living – eating first rate&nbsp;foods, drinking fine drinks, absorbing the sights and fresh&nbsp;air&nbsp;of nature, enjoying fragrant scents<a id="_edn6" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref6')">[6]</a>, etc.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol>
<li>&nbsp;Relationships&nbsp;&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
The next group of Ishmael's children, comprised of three sons, represents Ishmael's three-step guide&nbsp;towards effective relationships, both in the home and in the work place.&nbsp;
<ol start="5">
<li>&nbsp;Mishma&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
Mishmah&nbsp;means to listen, to pay heed to.&nbsp;You must cultivate the skill&nbsp;to truly listen to another human being.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol start="6">
<li>&nbsp;Dumah&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
Dumah&nbsp;means silence. The second step toward creating a good relationship consists of the ability to remain silent. Your must not always feel that you need to respond to your wife's criticism;&nbsp;or&nbsp;don’t&nbsp;always&nbsp;have to&nbsp;give an answer to a question asked. Remain silent. You&nbsp;won’t perish&nbsp;if you don’t shoot a response out of your hip; your silence may&nbsp;even&nbsp;grant you unexpected insight.&nbsp;Successful people do a lot more listening than talking.&nbsp;
<ol start="7">
<li>&nbsp;Massa&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
Massa, which literally means "a burden," symbolizes the third step&nbsp;which is effective in&nbsp;developing&nbsp;balanced&nbsp;and long-term&nbsp;relationships, namely, patience and tolerance, the ability&nbsp;to tolerate and contain&nbsp;the burdens of another human being, though they may be flawed and imperfect.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol>
<li>&nbsp;&nbsp;Once our bodies and our relationships are in order, we may approach the final group of Ishmael's five sons, conveying his five-step program toward&nbsp;work and productivity.&nbsp;In this case, the five names need to be read and understood in a single sequence.&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
Chadad&nbsp;in Aramaic means newness.&nbsp;Tema&nbsp;indicates wonder.&nbsp;Yetur&nbsp;is&nbsp;a straight line.&nbsp;Nafish&nbsp;means serenity, finally,&nbsp;Kedmah&nbsp;means&nbsp;first&nbsp;and ahead<a id="_edn7" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref7')">[7]</a>.&nbsp;
This is Ishmael's five-step program towards&nbsp;work and&nbsp;achievement:&nbsp;
<ol start="8">
<li>&nbsp;Chadad&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
First, you must be driven to embark on a new and novel path, the road less traveled. You must overcome the fear of failure and be ready to take risks and break new ground. Fear not to be original and creative.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol start="9">
<li>&nbsp;Tema&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
Yet every creator and&nbsp;entrepreneur&nbsp;will encounter resistance. People around you will shrug their shoulders in&nbsp;wonder and&nbsp;astonishment&nbsp;(Tema), criticizing you for an unrealistic fantasy, for youthful arrogance, for immature stupidity.&nbsp;They will predict your failure. What do you do?&nbsp;
<ol>
<li>&nbsp;Yetur&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
At this point, you need to make sure that your plan is well organized and structured, as perfect as a straight line.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol>
<li>&nbsp;Nafish&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
You also need to&nbsp;withdraw, relax and&nbsp;rethink your&nbsp;plans&nbsp;and goals from a serene and tranquil state of mind. Don't allow an inspiring but fleeing mood&nbsp;to&nbsp;define your long-term goals; make sure you have serenely internalized your mission&nbsp;statement.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<ol start="2">
<li>&nbsp;Kedmah&nbsp;</li>
</ol>
But if and when you conclude that this is the right path, you need to jump into the project headfirst and not allow the many obstacles along the way to hinder the execution of your&nbsp;dreams. "Move on!"&nbsp;–&nbsp;be first and ahead of the game, because of you procrastinate at this point, someone else will beat you to it.&nbsp;
Thus we have Ishmael's 12-step program towards good living: hollowness, exercise, nutrition and&nbsp;pizzazz; listen,&nbsp;be&nbsp;silent&nbsp;and tolerate;&nbsp;think out of the box,&nbsp;be&nbsp;confident, organized,&nbsp;thought-out&nbsp;and&nbsp;when the moment comes, don’t look back.&nbsp;&nbsp;
The Void&nbsp;&nbsp;
When we reflect on these 12 steps, we notice that one crucial element – perhaps the most&nbsp;important&nbsp;element -- is&nbsp;missing from&nbsp;Ishmael's impressive list. This is the&nbsp;component&nbsp;of&nbsp;meaning.&nbsp;
A human life needs&nbsp;meaning. When&nbsp;we are devoid of inner purpose,&nbsp;it is extremely difficult to maintain these 12-steps which require discipline and focus. At some point you ask yourself,&nbsp;what is the&nbsp;purpose of it all?&nbsp;This&nbsp;question&nbsp;cannot be&nbsp;answered&nbsp;with getting a personal trainer,&nbsp;learning about effective&nbsp;relationships&nbsp;and working your way&nbsp;up&nbsp;in&nbsp;the company.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
Thus, the Torah concludes its account of these 12 sons by stating, "They fell in the presence of their brethren."&nbsp;Even the&nbsp;balanced&nbsp;life of health, relationships and&nbsp;work&nbsp;that is devoid of&nbsp;inner&nbsp;meaning,&nbsp;might&nbsp;ultimately fail,&nbsp;because it lacks the&nbsp;oxygen of depth&nbsp;that keeps&nbsp;the person&nbsp;inspired&nbsp;and motivated&nbsp;to&nbsp;live well, and to ensure that the&nbsp;steps&nbsp;are&nbsp;channeled for the right purposes,&nbsp;not for futile&nbsp;or detrimental&nbsp;objectives.&nbsp;
Ishmael's&nbsp;twelve-steps capture&nbsp;an important but superficial layer of existence. It tells us how to live within the rhythms of nature and biology.&nbsp;It does not address our sense that there is something at the core of nature&nbsp;which transcends it. For this we have the names of another twelve tribes, the twelve sons of Jacob, whose names represent the blue print for living&nbsp;not only a fine and balanced life, but also living&nbsp;with the Divine, with the mysterious core of reality<a id="_edn8" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref8')">[8]</a>.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref1" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn1')">[1]</a> Genesis 25: 13-15.&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref2" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn2')">[2]</a> Ibid. 25-18. This verse is translated in different ways by various biblical commentators. The translation given here is based on the&nbsp;Iban&nbsp;Ezra, who understands the word "nafal" in terms of falling.&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref3" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn3')">[3]</a>Cf. Exodus 27:8.&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref4" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn4')">[4]</a> That is why the Hebrew word for a cooking pot is "kedeirah."&nbsp;&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref5" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn5')">[5]</a> Mei&nbsp;Hasheluach&nbsp;Parshas&nbsp;Chayei Sarah.&nbsp;I would be grateful to any reader who can enlighten me how this word signified the lack of overeating.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref6" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn6')">[6]</a> The Talmud shares the value of this. See Talmud&nbsp;Yoma&nbsp;76b (and references noted there); Tanya chapter 7.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref7" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn7')">[7]</a> This is why east is termed&nbsp;Kedem&nbsp;in the Hebrew language, since the sun rises there first.&nbsp;&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref8" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn8')">[8]</a> This essay is based on Mei&nbsp;Hasheluach&nbsp;(by Rabbi Mordechai Yosef&nbsp;Leiner&nbsp;of&nbsp;Ishbitz)&nbsp;Parshas&nbsp;Chayei Sarah&nbsp;and on other sources.&nbsp;

The First 12-Step Program in History - And Why It Didn’t Work

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And Why It Didn’t Work

The First 12-Step Program in History

How Is Your Marriage?
“How is your marriage?” Someone once asked a woman.
Her response: “Before I got married, I was incomplete. Now, that I married, I am finished.”
Sarah’s passing
This week’s Torah portion commences with the sad story of the sunset of the first Jewish matriarch, Sarah, and her husband Abraham’s efforts to purchase a family burial-plot for Sarah and himself, as well as for future couples of the founding Jewish family (Genesis ch. 23). Abraham negotiates a deal with a man named Efron and ends up paying an enormous amount of money (400 large and pure silver<a id="_edn1" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref1')">[1]</a>) for a field in Hebron, at whose edge was the “machpalah cave,” or the “double cave,” a cave suited for the burial of couples’ side-by-side of each other.
Indeed, as the Bible relates, all of the patriarchs and matriarchs of Israel (besides Rachel) – Sarah and Abraham, Rebecca and Isaac, Leah and Jacob – were buried in that cave. The edifice constructed upon it remains till today one of the holiest sites in Judaism and is also held in high esteem by Muslims. Immediately following this story, the Bible continues to relate the long dramatic story of how Isaac meets and marries his soul-mate Rebecca. This is the section in Torah known as “the portion of relationships,” and is read in many Jewish Sephardic communities on the Sabbath before a wedding in the community.
 Awful Comparisons
Sequence in the Bible is critical. It is always there to demonstrate a point, to challenge a convention, to inspire an ideal. How, then, are we to appreciate the juxtaposition between such paradoxical themes – the death and burial of Sarah in the “machpalah cave,” and the dawn of Isaac and Rebecca's life as a married couple?
There is something even more astonishing in the Talmud.
Biblical law is often ambiguous and riddle-like. Thus, when Moses presented the Torah to the Jewish people, he gave them an oral interpretation, clarifying and elucidating the meaning of the Bible. This oral tradition has been documented in the Mishnah and in the Talmud <a id="_edn2" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref2')">[2]</a>.
Marriage is one of those issues where the Biblical law is unclear and it requires interpretation.
The Torah speaks of “a man marrying a woman<a id="_edn3" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref3')">[3]</a>,” but does not specify the legal means to affect a marriage. The Talmud<a id="_edn4" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref4')">[4]</a> presents an oral tradition to fill the gap. A similar expression used when discussing marriage is found once more in the Bible when addressing Abraham’s purchase of the machpalah cave. In a classical method of Torah interpretation known as “gzeirah shavev” (comparing two distinct cases when a similar word is used in both), we legally compare the two cases. Just as Abraham purchased the field and the cave by means of money, so too must a groom give a monetary gift to his bride if he wishes to obtain her hand in marriage.
Till today this law is the basis of every Jewish marriage. When the groom places the ring on the finger of his bride and declares “you are hereby betrothed to me…” man and woman enter into the covenant of marriage. Why? Because we derive it from the legal formula employed by Abraham to purchase the machpalah cave.
This is classical Talmudic methodology well-known to any student of the Talmud. Yet it does seem tasteless, if not awful. Why are we deriving the laws of marriage from a story of death and burial? The death of Sarah terminated her marriage with Abraham; yet it is from a story which&nbsp;terminated&nbsp;a marriage that we deduce the laws of&nbsp;creating&nbsp;a marriage!
And why are we comparing the obtaining of a spouse to the purchase of a burial plot? (The cynic would recall Woody Allen's quip: “Marriage is the death of hope.”) The comparison is so strange and bizarre that it compels us to look deeper, to gaze into the secret “caves” of our own relationships.
 Two Dimensions
The Torah and the Kabbalah talk about two dimensions to every relationship: the disclosed element, situated “above the ground,” and the hidden component, buried “beneath the ground,” disguised and veiled. In our modern lexicon we may define them as the conscious relationships vs. the subconscious relationship.
The first layer of the relationship is created by conscious thoughts, emotions and feelings. “I love you because I feel for you; I cherish you because I perceive you as my life’s partner.” What happens when these powerful feelings wane?
The relationship, naturally, suffers as well. When the cause is no more, its effects follow suit. We observe this phenomenon in many a marriage. When the passion rages high and the love towers the heavens, the union is splendid and vibrant. But when those passionate emotions and exhilarating inclinations dissipate, the bond falters, and the loyalty disappears. The couple may still be married on paper as far as the IRS is concerned; internally, though, they are divorced. And if you are already divorced internally, you may wonder, why not complete the process and sever your bonds officially as well? Who are you fooling?
The Subterranean Bond
Yet the Torah and the Kabbalah address another facet to relationships -- the one buried beneath the earth, in the inner caves of the souls relating to each other. This is the connection you have with a person not because you consciously experience a bond with them, but rather because you are inherently and intrinsically connected, regardless of your conscious feelings.
The common example for this is the relationship between parents and children. Your relationship with your Mom is not created by your positive conscious feelings toward her; on the contrary, your feelings toward your mother are the result of your subconscious bond with her. You may harbor negative emotions toward your mother. At times, you may even need to protect yourself from your mother (though this should be determined by an objective voice, not by your own emotional roller coaster). Yet nothing will change the fact that she is your mother; a piece of your essence.
Albeit on a different plane, the Torah ascribes this dimension of relationships to marriages as well. In addition to the conscious marriage, created by the rational and emotional choice of two adults, there is another layer to the marital union. This connection is buried “beneath the ground,” existing in the subconscious cellars of the man and woman's psyches. A husband and a wife are, in the words of the Zohar<a id="_edn5" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref5')">[5]</a>, “two halves of one soul.” Their bond is inherent, intrinsic and eternal, one that originated before birth and cannot be obliterated with death.
This layer of the relationship is not created through our conscious volition; on the contrary, our conscious feelings are born from this hidden and essential aspect of the relationship, binding us together in the subterranean chambers of our souls. And when the marriage does encounter strife and struggle, the soul-mates remember that they are essentially united and that the conflicts between them, though in need of attention and repair, ought not and cannot erode the essential connection between them.
Abraham’s Message
This, perhaps, was the significance of Abraham working hard to purchase a burial plot for his wife and himself, as well as for the couples of the second and third generation of Jews. This was not a mere expression of sentimentalism (Genesis, in general, focuses far more on justice and truth than on sentimentalism). It was a statement of profound spiritual implications -- that his relationship with Sarah did not cease after her death, because it did not begin during her life.
And it was a cave that he purchased, alluding to the "subterranean relationship," which does not cease after death.
This does not mean that a widower or widow ought never to remarry. Abraham himself remarries after Sarah’s death, and the Torah teaches that the soul of a deceased spouse longs that their partner below continue to live a productive and accomplished life. Often that requires remarrying. In no way does a second marriage demonstrate a lack of sensitivity or betrayal towards the person who passed on. On the contrary, it may be their profoundest delight to see that their spouse below mustered the strength to move on and to continue to live and love sharing with another person the gifts of their heart and soul<a id="_edn6" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref6')">[6]</a>.
Entering the Cave
This might also be the symbolism behind the Jewish law comparing the betrothal of every bride and groom with Abraham’s purchase of the “cave.” Superficially, this comes across as very weird. Yet there is a profoundly moving message being communicated here. When a groom places the ring on the finger of his bride, the Torah is informing him, that he is not only marrying his spouse on a conscious level; he is also entering into an eternal relationship with her. In marriage, they are accessing together the “cave” buried in the deep chambers of their souls, where their relationship is timeless and permanent. The chupah (the wedding canopy) is not only a union of two people; it is also a reunion of two halves that were once one.
This also explains the juxtaposition of Sarah’s burial and the story of Isaac and Rebecca’s marriage. At first glance, the sequence seems to be of poor taste. Upon deeper reflection, though, the implicit message is clear. Before you get married you must know that you are marrying your eternal partner. Divorce is not an option. You must be resolute that no argument, fight or crisis will ever tear you two apart. Your relationship is essential. Your core self and your spouses core self are one. Abraham’s treatment of Sarah after her demise, served as a defining lesson to Isaac and Rebecca for how to treat their own marriage.
These two, as the Bible relates, had plenty of arguments; some of these arguments had dramatic historical implications. But never did these differences of opinion manage to tear them apart. Never did Isaac and Rebecca lose their loyalty and trust to each other. Why? Because they never forgot the connection that defined their relationship “beneath the ground,” in the subconscious layers of their souls.
The Metaphor
The human marriage has always been a metaphor for the marriage between man and G-d. This marriage, too, operates on two levels<a id="_edn7" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref7')">[7]</a>. At times your relationship with G-d is “above the ground,” exposed and revealed. It is conscious, exciting and enriching. But what do you do at a moment of a moral or spiritual “downer?” How do you react to a condition of shallowness, alienation and despair? What do you do when you feel that your marriage with G-d is soul-less and lifeless? When you are not even sure He exists?
At such a moment you have to remember the “cave-like relationship,” the fact that you and G-d possesses a hidden relationship that may be invisible, but is always present. This is the hidden spark of G-dliness and inspiration etched within the deep caves of your soul that could never be extinguished. It is not as exciting and captivating as the relationship above ground, but it is eternal<a id="_edn8" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_ednref8')">[8]</a>.
<a id="_ednref1" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn1')">[1]</a> According to the Talmud (Bava Metzia 87a) he paid a total of one million ordinary shekels for the cave!
<a id="_ednref2" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn2')">[2]</a> See introduction of Rambam to the Mishnah and to his Yad Hachnazakah.
<a id="_ednref3" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn3')">[3]</a> Deuteronomy 24:2.
<a id="_ednref4" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn4')">[4]</a> Tractate Kiddushin 2a.
<a id="_ednref5" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn5')">[5]</a> Zohar vol. 3 7a.&nbsp;
<a id="_ednref6" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn6')">[6]</a> See the moving letter by the Lubavitcher Rebbe to Mrs. Sifrah Morozov, who&nbsp;lost her husband in the 1967 six-day-war. The letter is published in Toras Menachem-Menachem Tzeyon vol. 2.
<a id="_ednref7" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn7')">[7]</a> The first section of Tanya and much of the Chassidic literature revolves around these two layers of our relationship with G-d.
<a id="_ednref8" href="javascript: void(0);" onclick="ty.scrollTo('_edn8')">[8]</a> This essay is based on the Chassidic discourses by the third Lubavitcher Rebbe, the Tzemach Tzedek (see Sefer Halikkutim-Dach Tzemach Tzedek, under the entry of Chevron and Mearas Hamachpalah). Cf. a lovely rendition of this idea in Emunas Etecah, by Rabbi Moshe Wolfson shlita, Parshas Chayei Sarah.

The Secret Relationship - Understanding Marriage on a Subconscious Level

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Understanding Marriage on a Subconscious Level

The Secret Relationship

Rabbi YY Jacobson&nbsp;addressing&nbsp;the Shloshim event of Rabbi Dr. Moshe Dovid Tendler (son-in-law of Reb Moshe Feinstein),&nbsp;on Thursday evening, 22&nbsp;Cheshvon, 5778, October 28, 2021,&nbsp;at the Community Synagogue of Monsey.

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